Archive for the ‘The Amateur Nomad’ Category

Sylvan (adj): of, pertaining to, or inhabiting the woods.

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Come Away, O Human Child...

People often talk about places that feel like home to them–not just a place to hang your hat, or even that place where there are family and friends who love you no matter what, but a spiritual home, a place that causes your soul to burst out in spontaneous Hallelujahs (or what have you). A place that sings to you, and you sing back.

During our (hugely successful) (fun) (hilarious) (exhausting) trip to the West Coast last week, I found mine.

Originally we intended just to go to Portland, then to take a side trip in a rented car along the Oregon coastline. Since we were flying standby (the one downside to traveling with an airline employee), we chose flights with as few passengers as possible, and that meant taking a meandering sort of path from ATX up to PDX. In the end we decided, almost on a whim, to spend a night in the Bay Area instead of a more direct route, and that gave us the opportunity for another side trip, this one to nearby Muir Woods National Monument.

Muir Woods is a coastal redwood forest; the coastal redwoods aren’t as enormous as their cousins the giant sequoias, but they can reach over 350 feet tall (that’s at least twice as tall as the Statue of Liberty), and Muir Woods is one of the few remaining old-growth redwood forests in the world. The oldest tree in Muir is about 1,200 years old. Redwoods can live for over 2,000 years. Imagine it: Jesus was in diapers, Buddhism had just reached China, Ovid was writing, and a redwood that’s still alive today sprouted in California.

There is comparatively little wildlife in a coastal redwood forest; most of the animals there are nocturnal, and there are tons of bats, but birds are more scarce because the tannins in the soil limit the food sources (meaning insects). This means that, aside from the constant burbling presence of Redwood Creek, the world inside the forest is strangely quiet, the sound of water only rarely broken by birdsong. As we rounded the bend that closed off the forest from the park’s headquarters, restrooms, and gift shop, the trees seemed to envelop us completely, drawing us into a world of soft, cool air, and peace.

I had never seen anything so beautiful. People throw the word “awesome” around cavalierly these days, but walking along the path through Muir Woods, I came to understand the real meaning of the term. Awe, and love, are the only words for what I felt…along with contentment. There among the redwoods I was happier than I had ever been in my entire life.

I had always known that would happen. Something in me has always cried out to visit those trees, and now I know why: we knew each other. All I wanted from the minute we came into the presence of these giants was to touch one, to lay my head against its bark, and to sink into its energy.

Docking with the Mother Ship

You can feel the power thrumming through the redwoods even at a distance, but touching one was like tugging on the Goddess’s skirt and having Her smile down at you. The feeling of age in the place is astounding. Trees operate on a different kind of time than the rest of nature; they are in no hurry, and are perturbed by little. A being that is over a thousand years old simply doesn’t have the same perspective as we tiny little humans for whom living a century is still pretty miraculous.

I’ve heard a lot of arguments about plants having feelings (usually used by people who are trying to fight with vegetarians), and while I obviously believe that plants are alive and have their own consciousness, I’ve always felt that the way plants “feel” is so fundamentally different from how animals feel that it’s ludicrous to judge them by the same standards. There is no evolutionary advantage to a plant being able to feel pain like, say, a dog; a tree can’t run away from an ax. Like all things that want to live and propgate, plants can defend themselves from damage to a point, but they still can’t do much about being ripped up or cut down.  I think that assigning human emotions and sensations to something lacking a nervous system is kind of silly–but only a fool could meet the redwoods and think they’re not aware in some way. Self-aware? It doesn’t seem so. They don’t seem to speak in terms of “I.” But nor do they say “we.” It’s as if a singular consciousness runs through the entire forest and doesn’t seek to define itself, only to grow.  They are alive, and they feel, but not the same way we do. They have their own purpose and their own way of being.

Mother Earth, carry me...your child I will always be

In the end, I don’t think it matters if trees have individual “feelings” or not; what matters is that we respect their vitality to the environment and protect the land that nourishes them.  That same weekend I saw hillsides in Oregon that had been clear-cut by loggers, and whatever the land itself or the trees themselves may have felt about it, I know that my heart cried out in pain at the ugliness of those grey, jagged slopes shorn of their leafy majesty. The thought that someone could look at the violence of such an act and not be moved to tears baffles me.  The thought that our society’s lust for material goods could destroy something as old and perfect as a living, breathing forest is the utmost blasphemy to me.

Aware or not, you can feel the forest breathe. Trees are the lungs of the Earth, after all, and redwoods are so tall that they keep shorter trees from being able to grow beneath them; there is relatively little underbrush except for lush ferns and fungi that contribute to the cool, moist atmosphere.  Everything is blanketed in moss, and there are even trees whose lower limbs have ferns growing out of them.  Every fallen redwood becomes home and food for hundreds of new creatures.

Redwoods have a shallow root system compared to their height.  In one grove, you could see the blackened stump of a tree that was struck by lightning hundreds of years ago and is now surrounded in a perfect circle of its offspring, who grew up out of the surviving root network of the parent tree.  I couldn’t articulate the lesson I learned seeing the centuries-old stump that still stood so long after its fiery death, guarded on all sides by the new life that arose from it, but my heart understood something new in that moment.  By the time we left the forest, something in me that had been withered and dry was lush and green again, covered in a soft coat of moss and stretching hundreds of feet into the blue, blue sky.

My whole life, trees have spoken to me–and when I say “speak,” I mean more that we have a connection, not that they use English words. That connection had faded down to practically nothing before I visited Muir Woods. Now, it’s as if every leafed thing on the planet is trying to get into my head, and I have to say, it’s awesome.

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Posted in The Amateur Nomad |

Go West, Young Author, Go West

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I’m bored.

Important: This is not an invitation for the gods to kick me in the head or throw drama my way.  I’m simply saying that in the absence of a spiritual compass, and with a lot of things going much more smoothly in my life, I am finding that there are holes that need to be filled in the road of my journey.  In fact the road is starting to look like it was paved by the State of Louisiana.

(No offense, LA, but your roads are kind of awful.)

When life is all suffering and woe, it’s interesting, isn’t it?  Drama and depression both create an instant well of self-fascination.  Surely no one else has ever been this miserable! Look ye upon the poetic blackness of my soul! There isn’t time to look over everyday life and think, “I should get out more.” You’re far too busy being in pain.

I don’t mean to trivialize depression, of course. It’s horrible…worse than it looks from the outside, by far.  I’ve come to the conclusion that my brain chemistry is simply borked, and that I may well be on some form of drug for the rest of my life.  The condition has recurred since I was a teenager and has never gone away.  As I work to untangle the Gordian knot of my psyche and tease the threads apart one by one, I might one day be free of it, but the idea of being a Lifer isn’t as scary as it used to be, because I know that I’m treatable, if not curable. Accepting that made a huge difference in how competently I handle my emotions.  Bottom line:  it’s okay to be fucked up.  I’m working on it. I can hold a job, keep friends, and contribute to society, which is more than I can say for a lot of people who’ve never been diagnosed as anything other than “asshole.”

But depression generates a distorted, poisonous ego trip in which the universe contracts to a fixed point (yourself), but you’re afraid to look too closely at yourself for fear that the lies you tell yourself about yourself turn out to be the truth.   You become dangerously self-obsessed and yet blinded to the real essence of who you are.

Once you start to come out of a black period, or a period of life that’s full of roller coaster highs and lows either internal or external in origin, and things calm down a bit, you are able to see the areas of your life that need healing or at least some healthy excitement.  Not flaws in your character that need to be scoured away–just spots where you wish you could do a little more, get out a little more, try a little harder, try something new.

There are plenty of things I need to work on–my health is still in sad shape and my efforts so far in 2010 to improve it have met with frustrated failure…well, that’s not absolutely true.  I’ve learned a lot and hope that that newfound knowledge will kick into action…soon?  Maybe?  Again, frustrating.  But I know myself better than I did two months ago, and that pleases me.

Meanwhile I’m working on a second novel, have overhauled my website, and feel…bored.  I need adventure and spice and some kind of poking stick to wake up my hibernating spirit.

To that end, I’m going to Portland.

View of Haystack Rock, in Oregon

A lovely friend–she who took my latest author headshots as well as the dancing image of me you see on the front page–and I are heading West this weekend for a short but (I hope) merry adventure that will involve a visit to StudioNia, Powell’s city-block-sized bookstore, the Oregon coast, Muir forest (REDWOODS OMG!), as well as an overnight in the Bay Area and possibly a few hours in Vegas on the way home.  It’ll be an activity packed weekend on the cheap, and the best thing about it is, we’re going with the sort-of-spontaneous plan instead of something rigidly structured.  We have destinations in mind, a tentative itinerary, highlighted maps, my Macbook, and a city with some of the best mass transit in the country at our feet.

I’ve wanted to see the West Coast for years, and Portland for at least a decade–why?  Aside from the fact that it’s sort of a vegan Mecca, it strikes me as a slightly less scalding hot version of Austin, with the ocean right there, and mountains and huge trees (OMG!) nearby, and an urbane population fond of local food, community building events, and sustainable urban development.

All the places I’ve dreamed of living have involved big, big trees, cliff-edged oceans (not typical beaches for sunbathing, more like the rugged West Coast), mountains, and a milder climate than our Texas May-October Triple Digit Insanity. Portland sounds like absolute heaven to me.  Now I’ll finally have a chance to see if the dream I have is even close to the reality.  There are a lot of things I love about Austin, but the #1 thing I don’t love is the climate–it’s just too hot here.  #2 is the Republicans, of which there are substantially fewer in Austin, but I can feel them out there beyond our borders, creeping around in the dark waiting for the state legislature to open so they can stream in and crowd out our hybrids with their Hummers and McCain/Palin bumperstickers.  Be ye warned, young lad…beyond the edge of Austin…there be rednecks.

At any rate, this weekend’s trip is meant to start a new agenda for my life of daring as opposed to daydreaming.  I’m tired of saying “one of these days I should…”  I want to get up and do! Laurie, one of my soul sisters, gave me a Powell’s gift card specifically to prod me to go to PDX instead of just talking about it.  And now I’m going to! How about that?

I am, however, scared of flying (and scared of being booted off for being too fat to fly, like Kevin Smith), so if you wouldn’t mind lighting a candle for the safe and happy return of myself and my companion to ATX after a lovely weekend abroad, I would much appreciate it.

If you live in the PDX area, feel free to suggest places we might like to go–are there any Pagan stores?  I’ve charted most of the veg-friendly eateries that sound cool, and we have intentions to visit Chinatown for the Chinese New Year celebration that’s still going on this weekend, but our schedule is very loose and free and open to suggestion.

We all start out a little nuts, don't we?

Once I get back, well, it’s time for this girl to get off her butt and down to business.  I’ve got a book to write, a body to coax gently away from the Krispy Kreme box, a blog to update, and I’ve decied there shall be more adventure! Austin is no slouch when it comes to having fun stuff to do–I’ve just been too lazy or socially anxious to seek them out.  Not anymore! I shall learn more of this great city if for no other reason than to deem it cooler than Portland.  *laugh* I’m also thinking of taking a cake decorating class and actually offering my services for events that require cupcakes or other delicious vegan baked goods, perhaps even weddings and handfastings.  Not an official business, just a friends-do-for-friends thing to recoup the cost of supplies. I want to know if my love of baking is something I should put more energy into, or if it’s just going to be a sometime-lover.

However, there will be time for all of that on Wednesday of next week.  Wish us luck and safety on our adventures!  I may have a few small blogs or at least Facebook and Twitter updates during the trip, but otherwise I should be back here about a week from now!

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