Shadow World Monday: Inbox

To:  star-two@ussouth.signet.net
From:  prime@uswest.signet.net
Subject:  Re: advice?

Miranda,

In answer to your questions, I recommend the following:

First sit for a while with your eyes closed and memorize the skin of your eyelids with your fingertips.  Then ask Faith to be your mirror.  Don’t have David do this; he’ll get distracted by something shiny and you’ll end up leaving the house looking like a raccoon. Keep practicing until you get a feel for a perfect line.  It won’t happen the first fifty times, so prepare to be laughed at by your Second.

This is what you need:

Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eye Liner, available at Sephora.

I find this one very easy to apply; it has a precision tip and resists smudging, giving you a better sense of where the line is going.  An additional advantage is that it is practically bulletproof.  You can wear it through armed combat, four hours under stage lights, the first ten minutes of Up, and a monsoon, and it won’t come off.

I hope that helps.  Feel free to ask any additional questions.

D

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To:  star-two@ussouth.signet.net
From:  c.janousek@eureast.signet.net
Subject:  Fw:  Fw:  Fw:  Fw:  Beware!

Miranda, can you explain this to me please?

I do not understand what ceiling this refers to or why a cat would be concerned with such activity.  I am afraid to ask anyone else lest they laugh at me.

Thank you,

Cora

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To: star-two@ussouth.signet.net
From: star-one@ussouth.signet.net
CC:  prime@uswest.signet.net
Subject:  FW:  HI MIRANDA

Don’t worry, beloved, he’ll be pissing himself within the hour.

Sent from my iPhone

—At 23:58 Miranda Grey wrote:

—This is the fifth one – one or two I can ignore, but can we get someone
—in the West to visit this asshole and put the fear of Deven into him?
—Every time I have to gut-punch a crazy stalker fan I end up on the news.
—M

This message was forwarded from mgrey82@freemail.net.

I SAW THAT VIDEO OF YOU ON STAGE IT WAS BLURRY BUT U WERE SO BEAUTIFUL, I WISH I COULD TOUCH YOUR HAIR.  ARE U GOING TO TOUR U SHOULD COME TO SEATTLE I KNOW U DON’T KNOW ME BUT I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU.  I KNOW UR MARRIED BUT U DESERVE A REAL MAN I THINK I LOVE YOU AND I THINK WE WOLD BE HAPPY TOGETHER. PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK I’M COMING TO AUSTIN THIS FALL AND WE SHOULD GET COFFEE.  I KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE TO DRINK I SAW IT ON THE WEBSITE.

TOMMY

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To: star-two@ussouth.signet.net, star-one@ussouth.signet.net
From: consort@uswest.signet.net
Subject:  Problem solved.

As a matter of fact, he did piss himself.

Jonathan

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To:  Elite, Staff
CC: star-two@ussouth.signet.net
From:  star-one@ussouth.signet.net
Subject:  Reminder for all Employees

All personnel must submit new blood samples to Mo by end of shift Friday.
Upon verification of DNA you will receive your upgraded com. Old coms will
go offline no later than midnight Saturday.

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To: star-two@ussouth.signet.net
From:  star-one@ussouth.signet.net
Subject:  Re:  Obviously an Important Matter of State

What makes you think they don’t exist?  Here’s proof:

 At 5:31 Miranda Grey wrote:

OMG you are an insane person.  Have I mentioned lately how glad
I am werewolves don’t exist?

-At 05:24 David Solomon wrote:

-Once! That happened once!
-I saw that smile. All right, my turn.  I look forward to hearing you snort.

New Moon in LOLCats

—At 05:17 Miranda Grey wrote:

—Try this one on for size!
—And remind me to tell you about Cora and Ceiling Cat.

 ——At 05:14 David Solomon wrote:

——You look sad sitting over there with your laptop in your lap (so literal) and your
——hair falling into your face…perhaps this will cheer you up:

 

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4 thoughts on “Shadow World Monday: Inbox

  1. Huntress

    Love the advice about the eyeliner. Buuuut its 20$. It better be worth it its all I’m sayin..

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