Smallish Bloggery, Day 23: My spiritual beliefs in one sentence

My spiritual beliefs in one sentence:

 

Shit, I don’t know.

 

Honestly, I don’t:  There are entire parts of all religions that I find ridiculous; I can’t get with the whole Jesus-as-my-savior and Bible-as-THE WORD thing, my rational mind thinks life after death is just completely insane, the Pagan holidays annoy me, pieces of Buddhism are amazing but a lot of it bores the hell out of me, my social conscience won’t let me steal from everyone anymore without good reason and “I wanna” isn’t a good enough reason, I feel no connection to any god anymore, I love Witchy things and can summon some rather phenomenal mojo but my depression makes it hard to get it up, I like the idea of going to a church and being part of something moving and joyful but again, I just feel absolutely no pull toward Christianity (but plenty of pulls away) and have never found a Pagan group that wasn’t just wall to wall bullshit drama and politics and what I really want is ecstasy and union with deity but I’m not sure that’s even a real thing I can find, so I’m just sort of in limbo and rootless and homeless and I don’t like it, not at all.

(I guess that’s two sentences, the tl;dr version and the full director’s run-on cut.)

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One thought on “Smallish Bloggery, Day 23: My spiritual beliefs in one sentence

  1. I relate to so much of this.

    I still believe in deity and some kind of soul that exists after my body dies, but …

    I find so much of the things I used to believe in to be, I don’t know how to put it, unrealistic?

    A lot of it is lacking time, space, and energy to get back to some kind of spiritual practice. Some of it is lacking having others to worship.work with (I was never never good at the solitary Witch thing). I’ve thought about trying to go to a Unitarian church, but neither of the two closest to me are actually close enough to be practical.

    Most of it though is just struggling with over a decade of stressful and shitty things happening one after another and the resulting depression which makes it impossible to do much more than the bare minimum.

    And while I know that getting back in touch with my spirituality in some way would help, I can’t seem to muster up the energy.

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