30 Random Things About Me

(also known as “Sylvan is going to go stark raving naked if she edits one more word tonight.”)

They’re probably not all that interesting, but if I’m ever a category on Jeopardy! you guys will kick ass.

1 ~ Let’s start with something big, pun intended: I weigh 320 pounds.  That’s, like, two people stapled together.  The thinnest I’ve been as an adult was 250, after eight months of misery on Weight Watchers. I’ve been trying to cultivate a healthier relationship with my body and food, though it might not look that way from the outside. I’ve found that what I said in The Body Sacred was truer than even I knew at the time:  you can’t hate yourself healthy.  I’m saying this outright because I am not ashamed of my weight; yes, there are downsides to my size, and yes, I need to work on my eating and movement habits, but 320 is not a moral failing or a death sentence, it’s a physical attribute.  It will likely change when I (once again) adopt veganism in coming months, but no matter what the number, it’s still not who I am.

2 ~ I hate tea. Especially iced. I am a bad Southerner.

12. You know you want me.

3 ~ The only real similarity between myself and the protagonist of Queen of Shadows is that I, too, own a Hitachi Magic Wand named Mr. Shaky.

4 ~ I actually paid for an Amazon Prime membership because “free” two-day shipping makes me positively giddy.

5 ~ Because I’ve been taking amnesiac sedatives for several years, my memory is shot to hell.  I have a multi-page Word document on my laptop that tracks the events of my life back as far as 2003 so that when I think, “what year did I date such-and-such?” I can look it up.  It only goes back to 2003 because that’s when I started my LiveJournal, so that’s as far back as I have any events recorded.  The era between 1996 and 2003 is basically a blur.

6 ~ On the other hand, I have a fantastic memory for facts, particularly things like movie quotes.  I have most of my favorite movies memorized.  I am awesome at Trivial Pursuit.

7 ~ I am missing an internal organ:  my gallbladder.  I had emergency surgery to remove it in 2002.  (I checked my timeline for the year.)  I developed IBS a few months later.

8 ~ I have made one wedding cake, and though the bride loved it I thought it was hideous – there was a huge dent in one side because I had never built a tiered cake before and was clumsy.  But considering it was kept in an un-air-conditioned room and was covered in buttercream, not fondant, it turned out pretty well.  It was also freaking delicious – each tier was a different flavor with a different filling.  I doubt I’ll ever do that again.

15. Mary Alice FTW!

9 ~ Part of the reason I won’t is that I have essential tremor, which makes my hands vibrate pretty much constantly.  I’ve had it most of my life, but it’s worse when I’m tired, hungry, or wacked out on caffeine.  It makes fine detail work in painting and cake decorating nearly impossible for me, which is the main reason I prefer Prismacolor and Sculpey for art and don’t do much piping on cupcakes.

10 ~ I had my first white Christmas in 2004.  It snowed nearly a foot, which on the Gulf Coast of Texas is a miracle.

11 ~ I have three Gmail accounts.  I’m rubbish at answering all of them.

12 ~ You know those red peanut patties you can get in gas stations?  I freaking love them.  (This may be a Texas thing.)

13 ~ I also love Moon Pies, so maybe I’m not a bad Southerner after all.

14 ~ I find Duff Goldman (of Ace of Cakes fame) attractive for reasons I can’t quite explain.

15 ~ Speaking of Ace of Cakes, I used to have a massive girlcrush on Mary Alice, but she lost a lot of weight and now she’s not nearly as cute to me (though I still adore her; I just don’t want to jump her now, because I’m afraid she’d snap like a twig).  She was, however, the inspiration for my wearing pigtails and not caring about the fact that I do crazy things with my hair at 33.  Anyone who wants to get me this shirt for Christmas would receive…um…my firstborn or something.

18. Click on the pic for more info.

16 ~ I love crossword puzzles.

17 ~ Mashed up words like “Brangelina” and “jeggings” make me want to throw things.  I especially hate it when they do it with people’s names, because it feels like they’ve lost their individuality, and the idea of being part of a unit squicks me out.

18 ~ I’m a monthly donor to RAINN, the Human Rights Campaign, and the Farm Sanctuary Adopt-a-Farm-Animal program, so in a way, a portion of your purchase of my books goes to charity.  *laugh* (If you click on the right sidebar button you’ll go to RAINN’s online hotline.)

19 ~ I love tiny things, in particular tiny kitchen implements like condiment spoons, pinch bowls, and wee spatulas.  I also collect tiny deity figures.

20. I mean, look at this face!

20 ~ I used to want a really big dog, but now I want a smallish one, like a Jack Russell or a Corgi (well, a mutt shaped like one of those).  Of course, at this stage of my life I lack the space, time, and patience for a canine; they are a ton of work, especially in the beginning (doubly so in a small space without a yard), and right now I’m in a very cat-friendly phase.  I had a MiniPin when I was a kid, though, and aside from being yappy and epileptic, she was awesome.

21. Is it a unitasker if it contains the ultimate multitasker?

21 ~ I think if I were going to collect something basically useless, I’d collect salt cellars.  I might start someday when I have somewhere to keep them.  Right now I have one, my flip-top model from Good Eats, but salt pigs and those crazy antique salt cellars really fascinate me.

22 ~ I can pronounce (and spell) just about anything because my father, who taught me how to read, is a pharmacist.

23 ~ It really bothers me when people make snide remarks about Stephenie Meyer being “fat” or “ugly.” For one thing, I think she’s very pretty; she sure as hell photographs better than I do, and she’s got a generous mouth that looks like it laughs a lot.  But more importantly, writing used to be the one profession where it didn’t matter what you looked like.  Writers aren’t paid to look good – that’s our least important attribute.  Stephen King‘s not exactly Johnny Depp, you know?  But male authors never get that crap, and female authors always do.  I’ve even heard cracks about J.K. Rowling.  I realize it’s an outgrowth of the cult of celebrity and our societal obsession with appearances, but it just seems like of all people writers, regardless of gender or age, should be able to avoid that bullshit.

24 ~ Mokey was always my favorite of the five main Fraggles, but my favorite Fraggle Rock character is Cantus the Minstrel.  In fact my old Dell computer was named Mokey, my current iPod is Wembley, and I named my home wireless network Cotterpin.  Let’s meet Cantus (and hear my favorite Fraggle song):


25 ~ My Macbook is called Shakti.  I name things.

26 ~ I own 67 cookbooks.  No, wait…counting the two new ones on my coffee table, it’s 69, dude!

27 ~ One of my life’s ambitions is to learn to play the piano.  I’ve started teaching myself a few times but always got distracted.  Soon, though.  Maybe even this year.

28 ~I don’t use conditioner on my hair. I didn’t realize this was weird until I mentioned it on Facebook and a ton of people said, “…Barooo?”  No, really, I don’t, at least not often.  I wash it three times a week and when it’s really dry I get a packet of that Ion after-color treatment and goop it up.  I recently switched to Ion’s shampoo, as my BFF informed me their stuff is all vegan now, and it’s made my hair shinier, but I only put products in my hair about as often as I wear makeup, maybe once a month.  The gods gave me good hair and great skin, and plenty of both.

29 ~This year I brought home from my parents’ house the first music box Mom ever got me – a plastic Santa and Mrs. Claus kissing, which she got me so I would leave the breakable music boxes alone.  It plays “Jingle Bells,” and the sound of winding it up and letting it play…very slowly now, as it’s over 30 years old…brings tears to my eyes every time.  I say I’m not sentimental, but I am, just about odd things.

30 ~ This is the last one, so I should make it count.  Hmm…oh, okay!  I love to eat raw potato slices (like when I’m prepping them to cook) sprinkled with salt.  LOVE them.

Okay, your turn. Go forth to your own blog or Facebook or whatever and list 30 random things about yourself.  Let’s all be shamelessly up front to total strangers on the internet!  Yay, anonymity!  If it can protect asshole trolls, it can allow us to talk about what we name our sex toys!

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7 thoughts on “30 Random Things About Me

  1. I so appreciate your pages about being fat. As a large gal myself (in a family of skinny folks) and getting old on top of it, I struggle a lot. Reading your stuff helped me – thank you. Goddess bless!

  2. I have no idea who Stephanie Meyer is, but just looking at her pics, she’s gorgeous. Overweight, well, yeah, but so the fuck what? And raw potatoes? Sylvan, really? Ew. 😉

  3. I am with you on many items on your list, but I connected with #27 the most! 🙂 I keep putting off taking lessons, so I’m wondering if I should just get a cheap keyboard and try to find something on youtube.

  4. As soon as I have the spare cash, I am TOTALLY getting an Amazon Prime account. I did the trial and having two day shipping is so. freaking. awesome.

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