~ A small open area such as a bedroom or living room, back yard, or even an office with the door closed.
~ A music playing device; one with earbuds works best so you won’t disturb others
~ Music – any kind, any genre, as long as when you listen to it you think, “That would be so fun to dance to.” It doesn’t have to be anything new-agey, drummy, or anything; just something that makes you want to move.
~ Bare your feet to touch the Earth. Anything else you wear is up to you, although if you choose to light your ritual space with candles, watch out for sleeves and flowing skirts.
In fact, as evocative as it is to dance in a ring of candles, don’t do that, at least not at first. Keep candles up on shelves that are hard to knock over.
Your altar is your body, nothing else is needed, and there are only two ritual tools: a bottle of water and a towel for catching your prayers as they roll off your skin.
Lock the door, turn off the phone. You need only ten minutes for this practice, or even as little as one single track on a CD – but you do need privacy, at least in the beginning while you may still be feeling awkward in your body.
Press “play” on your music and stand, for a moment, in the center of your space, just listening. Lift up your hands into Anjali mudra, recognizable as the prayer position, palms pressed flat together, and declare your intention either silent or aloud:
“I have come to dance. I offer this prayer to (insert Deity or equivalent title here) in gratitude and devotion.”
If you like you can let the whole track play through once without doing anything, just listening, letting the music move through your body; but you will probably find that you start to sway a little, and that’s the perfect place to start.
As you sway to the music, visualize the music flowing into your upper chakras and slowly trickling, flowing, running down through your body like water. Each part of your body that is touched by the music begins to move. How does your hand want to move today? How does the water inspire your left arm to move? Let the music become water, and let that water move you, washing around you as if you stood in a river, lifting up your arms and turning you in slow circles, from your head all the way down to your feet.
Close your eyes if you are comfortable doing so in your space. Just move. There are no steps, no effort needed. You are not performing, you are praying. Lift up your arms in prayer, spin in circles of prayer like a dervish, imagine the Holy reaching out to take your hands and dance with you. All of Creation wants to dance with you, because Creation is already dancing – the dance of electrons and protons, positive charge and negative charge, south pole, north pole, everything dances from the tiniest matter on up to the whales in the sea.
There is no right way, no wrong way, only your way. You and this song are creating a moment of communion with your body and the sacred in whatever way you perceive it; your beautiful body, this instrument, dances its prayer and lifts up its emotions–if you are sad, dance your sadness. If you are joyful, dance your joy. Make love with the music, and between you, create a dance; don’t call it dance, don’t call it anything, just move. Just let yourself be moved…until you are moved to slow down, and then to stop.
And when the song is over, come back to the center, hands folded in the Anjali mudra, palms pressed together in prayer. Bow to honor the soft holy animal of your body; bow to honor the music; and lift up your arms in gratitude for the Holiness that Abides within your flesh, within the music, within the world.
Drink some water. Finish with a prayer if you like.
That’s all there is to it.
If you would prefer a more specific list of songs, here are some that I have found very conducive to an ecstatic experience:
One-Song Ecstatic Dances: A Few Favorites
“Dog Days Are Over” by Florence + the Machine from the album Lungs
“Raspberry Swirl” by Tori Amos from the album From the Choirgirl Hotel
“Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield from the album Unwritten
“Bruised Water” by Chicane/Natasha Bedingfield
“The Dreamtime Returns” by Shaman’s Dream from the album Dance: Dream: Dance
“Raise Your Glass” by P!nk from the album Greatest Hits…So Far (excellent for transforming a depressive or negative mood)
“Silence” by Delerium w/Sarah McLachlan from the album Karma
“All Souls’ Night” by Loreena McKennitt from the album The Visit
“Harem Bizarre” by Kaya Project from the album Elixir
“The Sound of Sunshine” by Michael Franti & Spearhead from The Sound of Sunshine
“Nomads” by Govinda from the album O Earthly Gods
“Awakening” by Aine Minogue from the album Celtic Lamentations
“Terra Firma” by Delerium from the album Poem
“Gayatri Mantra” by Deva Premal from the album The Essence
“Eternal Dance” by Gabrielle Roth & the Mirrors from the album Totem
“Namah Shivayah” by Krishna Das from the album Greatest Hits of the Kali Yuga
“Isaac,” by Madonna, from the album Confessions on a Dance Floor
I’d like to thank everyone who commented, Tweeted, or Facebooked (is that a verb now?) about how much they loved my last post. Welcome new readers – I’d like to say all of my posts are that awesome, but I’d hate to mislead anyone. *laugh* I talk about a lot of things here in addition to fat girl stuff, such as:
My novels (my primary focus right now)
Spirituality (I am developing an e-course called Becoming a Spiritual Nomad, which you can read more about via the link up top)
Ahimsa living (my continued journey toward veganism, which is complicated by my body and food issues)
Cooking (I post occasional recipes)
Things I Love (which are rather random)
The Vampire Diaries (my favorite show, which I’ll be recapping this season so I’ll post about it once a week max)
Playlists I create for ecstatic dance (only sporadically these days)
Whatever else I feel like ranting and/or raving about at the moment
At any rate, I hope you’ll stick around! I tend not to reply to comments thanks to some unfortunate experiences I’ve had this year, but I do make an effort to at least read them all. You can also follow me on Twitter and Like my fanpage on Facebook – the FB page is mostly blog updates and novel-related stuff, and my Twitter is even more wildly random than the blog.
Now then! On with the post. As promised, here are some books, blogs, and other resources I love that are devoted to body positivity or Health at Every Size. This list is by no means comprehensive – I only put resources on it that I have read or viewed and enjoyed personally.
Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon – absolutely essential reading for larger people (or anyone) who wants to live a healthier lifestyle without obsessing over weight.
Note: I debated with myself whether to allow comments on this post or not. But frankly, I don’t care if you think I’m wrong. If you hate fat people, I don’t want you here. Anti-fat bigotry and pro-diet propaganda will be deleted. I can do that because this is my sandbox and I’ve got the bullshit shovel. If you want to talk about how fabulous weight loss is you’ve got a whole internet to do it in.
You may not know this if you’re new to my work, but: I wrote an entire book on body image and spirituality a few years ago. The whole subject is very important to me, but I haven’t written much about it lately because my focus has been on so many other things. But then I got cable TV, and the old anger came a-flaring back up.
You see, I’m fat. 300 pounds of awesome from my double chin to my adorable toes. There’s no concealing this fact. My fat is out there. It speaks. And it says “I am lovable and worthy just like I am, and fuck you if you disagree.” I’ve spent a lot of time and effort removing myself from body disparagement zones and have gotten comfortable with the idea that people can look like anything and it’s all good…but then I accidentally read the comments on someone’s blog, or I see some article that makes my blood boil, and I remember how many people out there live in a state of perpetual self-denial, self-denigration, and self-destruction just because of their fat.
It is to those fat girls, and to all of us who need a refresher course in body acceptance, that I offer these Ten Rules.
1. You are not obligated to be thin, healthy, or pretty.
It’s bad enough that our culture assigns moral value to foods: celery is “good,” donuts are “bad.” Now, being healthy is itself considered a sign of your moral fortitude. Never mind the gap between the wealthy and poor and how that affects access to unprocessed food and the time and resources to exercise; never mind genetics or mental illness or stuff like, you know, character and behavior toward others. Thin people equal healthy people and that means good people.
Here’s a thought I’m sure will shock people: You don’t owe anyone good health. You have sovereignty over your body and that means it is no one’s responsibility but your own.
Now, there are larger issues involved in our food supply such as workers’ rights, animal rights, and environmental devastation to be considered, but I can’t make other people’s food choices for them, and I wouldn’t allow anyone to make mine for me. Evangelizing about any kind of diet or “health plan” is presumptuous and unlikely to make you any friends; showing that the way you live makes you happy is a far more effective long-term persuasive technique.
Let’s assume that being fat is morally reprehensible. Okay, fine. Let’s assume it’s the worst thing ever and every time a fat girl eats cake God kills a kitten. Whatever. How are shame and hatred going to fix that? How is discrimination and making people loathe themselves going to make them healthier? Obviously this doesn’t work or the number of overweight people would be rapidly declining, wouldn’t it, given how we’re treated? Has hate ever made anyone a better person?
Besides, how exactly does looking at someone tell you their state of health? There are millions of unhealthy thin people, but the automatic assumption is that they’re healthier than I am just based on my size.
We also have this idea that our bodies are only worth their value to other people. Guess what? MY VALUE AS WOMAN IS NOT DEPENDENT ON WHETHER OR NOT MEN WANT TO FUCK ME.
Even in the Pagan community where you’d think body acceptance would be assumed, there’s been a rise in anti-fat prejudice lately with all these really weird “you’re using up too many resources! Mother Earth is sad that you’re fat!” ideas behind them. Of all the environmental issues that are mounting up today, that’s the one you have a conniption over? You really think my big ass is worse for the Earth than Big Oil? You need to sort out your priorities, Dances With Unicorns.
2. Don’t talk shit about your body.
Aside from the fact that it makes conversations awkward, would you let a friend – or anyone – verbally abuse you? Then why allow yourself to do it?
It’s hard to follow this rule given that body disparagement is not only the norm, it’s expected. A group of women is supposed to talk about diets and shoes and how much they freaking love yogurt. I’d rather listen to my relatives talk about Obama than my coworkers talk about calorie counts. In such a situation you can:
A. Change the subject
B. Try to change people’s minds by making body positive statements (only do this if you like to argue)
C. If you’re totally stuck, entertain yourself: mentally replace words like “carbs” with “balls.” It’s way more fun to listen to people discuss good balls versus bad balls and whether or not they’re getting enough balls.
Before making a statement about your body, ask yourself if you’d say the exact same thing to the kindest, gentlest friend you have. If the answer is yes, I’d be surprised if you had any friends at all; you’re certainly no friend to yourself.
3. Don’t talk shit about other people’s bodies.
If you want the world to learn to love all sizes and shapes of women, you have to start with you. It’s so much fun to gossip and snipe, isn’t it? It’s what women are supposed to do! We must tear each other down in order to eliminate competition for the oh-so-rare, elusive man-penis!
I’m not just talking about fat shaming, either. “Go eat a sandwich” is as mean a thing to say as “go on a diet, fatty!” Just like people don’t know anything about your health or history by the size of your body, you don’t know what a thin person has dealt with in her life either. Everyone’s got problems – beautiful people are just as screwed up as everyone else.
Rules 2 and 3 are doubly important in front of young people. Don’t let the cycle of shame continue with your daughter or niece or young friend. End it here and now.
4. Wear clothes that fit.
It doesn’t matter what your style is, what your budget is, or what you think of your fat; wearing too-tight or too-big clothes will make you uncomfortable, and that discomfort will show in how you carry yourself. It’s hard to be confident when you’re constantly yanking a wedgie.
Whatever you like to wear, find the size that fits you – you can move in it, sit down, bend over, walk, without having to stop and adjust every three steps. I’m not saying it’s easy to find attractive comfy clothes when you’re fat – it’s a nightmare. For all that fat people are supposedly taking over the world, we must all be walking around naked, because we can’t find crap for clothes. It’s part of that whole “we will make you thin by making your fat life miserable” thing, which is ridiculous (and doesn’t work). If you find an article of clothing that you love, get more than one if you can. I love v-neck black t-shirts, so when I found one in a nice Supima cotton on clearance I ordered five of them.
5. Demand better treatment from healthcare professionals.
Your doctor is prey to the same forces of fat-hatred that you are every single day. So it’s likely that regardless of your state of health at some point a doctor is going to recommend you lose weight. I’ve had some doctors who went about it in far more acceptable ways than others – really it’s more the attitude than anything else. Coming from a cardiologist, it’s less ridiculous than coming from an allergist. If your doctor is generally responsive to your needs and doesn’t force the issue it’s not as big a problem as, say, one refusing to treat you for anything until you’re thinner.
(Yes, this happens. If you don’t believe it, you’re probably not fat. The horror stories I’ve heard from fat people in the healthcare system are enough to make you sick.)
That claptrap about obese people being a strain on the economy is nonsense; cancer costs millions of dollars to research and treat but nobody’s suggesting we let cancer patients die to save money. Since a lot of fat folks are uninsured thanks to our crackerjack health care system, we don’t get adequate care anyway. It’s just another smokescreen to keep people fighting amongst themselves while the rich line their pockets with the profits of our self-loathing.
Remember this, though: your doctor works for you. He is performing a service. There are thousands of doctors out there, so if yours is a jerk to you or tries to pull that “all your problems would vanish if you lost weight” crap, fire his ass and go somewhere else.
Here’s a question to ask when your doctor tries to tell you your sore throat, aching back, or the axe sticking out of your skull are due to your weight. “If I were a thin person, what treatment would you prescribe?”
Seriously. Statistics show that weight loss fails over the long-term 95% of the time. How many conditions can doctors get away with prescribing something with only a 5% success rate? Yet dieting is considered a panacea. You know what else has a 5% success rate in treating disease? Bleeding someone to let the evil humours out.
You deserve respect and attention from your healthcare professionals regardless of your size. Don’t accept abuse and condescension. And certainly don’t pay for it.
6. Find a way to move.
Like I said, you’re not obligated to be healthy, but you probably want to be – there’s this weird thing we humans do where we don’t want to die or feel like crap if we don’t have to. While the evidencedirectlylinkingbeingfatwithillness is sketchy at best (studies have shown that active overweight people actually live longer than thin sedentary people), you’d be hard pressed to find evidence that disagrees with the idea that regular movement is good for you. Our bodies weren’t designed for our modern lifestyle, and it shows in how we feel. Exercise benefits body, mind, and emotions – and it can be fun, if you find the right kind.
I’m not talking about torturing yourself with some “work out until you vomit” bullshit (people do know that throwing up is a symptom of illness, not a badge of honor, right?); I’m talking about getting up and moving around a little every day. Even supersized folk have options. Walk around your house a few times. Put on your favorite song and dance to it. I know it’s hard to leave the house and exercise when you’re fat – aside from any physical limitations you might have, people are assholes. Despite the fact that we’re supposed to lose weight to be acceptable, we’re mocked when we are seen sweating. But even if you don’t go to a gym (lord knows I don’t) or attend classes, try to move more. You’ll feel better.
Just don’t go into it expecting to lose weight. Move to enjoy life more. Move because dancing is fun or because you love playing touch football with your kids. Maybe you’ll lose weight by being more active, maybe not – but you’ll definitely feel better and have more fun.
7. Stand up for yourself.
Fat people are expected to just take whatever abuse is heaped on us because there’s something wrong with us that everyone – everyone – knows how to fix. It’s assumed that we’re stupid, as if our whole lives were lived in a cave full of cake and we’ve just been waiting for a random stranger to deliver the Skinny Gospel.
“Oh my God. Calories in and calories out – that’s it? THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT? OH MY SWEET JESUS I’M CURED! WHY HASN’T ANYONE EVER TOLD ME?”
You don’t have to take it. You don’t deserve it. You are a human being worthy of love and respect. I’ll keep saying that until you hear me.
Even if you’re not quick-witted enough to come up with a retort to every insult, you can get a lot of mileage out of making eye contact with an asshole and saying, “Excuse me?” Bullies of all kinds tend to wilt when challenged in front of others. Fix the spotlight on them and watch their power go poof. Powerful women scare the hell out of weak-minded dickweasels.
I’ve had more trouble with strangers than loved ones, but family and friends can be even harder to deal with because it’s assumed they mean well and want the best for you. It’s also assumed, as I’ve said, that everyone knows what’s best for you but you.
“Aunt Gertrude, I appreciate that you’re concerned about my health, but I am healthy and am happy with my appearance. Please respect that I don’t want to discuss my size.”
Often strangers will try to pass off their cruelty as concern. Don’t be fooled. What they’re saying isn’t “I care about your health, total stranger, for I am a concerned citizen.” it’s “I find your body unacceptable and you should feel ashamed because I am insecure.”
The popular idea in psychology is that fat people are “shielding themselves” from something using their bodies. We’re pushing away our emotions, stuffing our pain, et cetera. That may be true for some people, but assuming it’s true for every fat person is as irresponsible as assuming every physical ailment comes from fat.
Although in my case, my fat is a great insulator. It helps keep idiots out of my life.
8. Deal with your fat.
Don’t pretend to be skinny if you’re not. Take up space. It’s okay. You’re not fooling anyone by sucking in your gut anyway.
We tend to gloss over an important aspect of fatness: fat hygiene. That stupid stereotype about fat people being smelly comes from a few people who don’t pay attention to the needs of their fat. Don’t punish yourself for being fat by treating your body like garbage.
Wash your fat. More importantly, dry it. When you get out of the shower make sure you’re dry under your fat rolls and between your legs and breasts. Make sure you’re wiping your ass adequately. Do not fall victim to the perils of Swamp Ass. There are unhygienic people in every size, but if you’ve got more flesh you might need to spend more time attending to it. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re saving yourself a lot of discomfort. If you get rashes from sweating in the heat, apply powder or try to find workout clothes designed to wick moisture. If I wear a skirt, which is rare, I put tights underneath it to avoid getting heat blisters on my thighs.
If your chair is too small, find a bigger one. If the seat at the movies is pinching you, put up the armrest and take up two spaces. Ask for a seatbelt extender on the plane. You can also get them for your car – they should be free from your dealership since they’re safety equipment.
Touch yourself. You’re not gross. If you’re doing yoga and your belly’s in your way, take hold of it and shift it. I’m serious. Most people don’t think about that, but it can really help – touch your flesh. It’s yours. You grew it; you own it. Don’t be afraid of your body. Often because we are heirs to such body shame, we avoid getting to know our flesh, so when something does go wrong we don’t realize it until it’s really serious.
9. There are worse things in the world than being fat.
I’ve heard quite a few thin women say things like, “Thank God I’m not fat. I’d kill myself.” Or “getting fat would be the worst thing.”
Oh? Worse than child abuse, genocide, homophobia, or being allergic to chocolate? Worse than being an asshole? Worse than treating people like crap because of how they look?
Is being fat worse than being an ignorant bigot? Worse than being a murderer? Worse than drowning kittens? Amebic dysentery? Losing a loved one? Losing a limb?
Hating yourself is pretty damn awful too. Trust me, it’s way worse than being fat.
10. Don’t expect to feel awesome about yourself every single day forever.
This one hit me hard after I had written an entire book on body image and, despite all my effort, still had periodic wars with the mirror. Even knowing every rule on this list, I still have days when I have a hard time loving myself.
Given the world we live in, it’s really quite a revolutionary act to love yourself at all, even for a single hour. With the constant bombardment of not-good-enough messages out there it’s bound to happen, so don’t judge yourself for occasional negative body thoughts. Just gently bring yourself out of it and remember you are more than a number on a scale, more than a body at all.
If you challenge your assumptions, day by day you silence your inner critics. This takes time and constant effort, but the reward is a happier life and often a healthier one. Every journey has its pitfalls, though, and sometimes you fall flat on your face. Even full grown adults can still be toddlers.
This is where affirmations can be really useful. Look yourself in the eye every day and tell yourself you refuse to measure your life by your BMI. Tell yourself you are loved – because you are, I promise – and accepted exactly as you are no matter what, and that even if you’re not strong enough to believe it every day, it’s still true, and that truth will be there when you can reach out and grasp it.
Remember you cannot leave a mark on the world without taking up space.
Next post I’ll share a list of body-positive blogs, books, and other resources that might help you find peace with your body, whether it’s fat or thin or short or purple or hairy or has an extra arm coming out the back.
This is going to seem pretty random to people who don’t know me, but to me it’s pretty significant, so I thought I’d share.
For about 33 of my 33 years I’ve basically hated salad. I find digging into a bowl of foliage uninspiring no matter how fancy it looks. It’s hard to eat without half the tiny bits of miscellaneous crap falling off the fork, and most of the time the greens are in these huge chunks you have to cram into your mouth like a raging brachiosaur. I don’t like salad dressings much either – a nice vinaigrette can be tasty, but the minute you add “cream” or “ranch” or anything else that makes the dressing opaque, you test my gag reflex.
Add to that a complication: my IBS. Thanks to my spastic inner reaches, digesting raw vegetables is, well…hazardous in large amounts, and a good deal of ponderous chewing is required.
As a vegetarian, this is problematic. As someone who would like to enjoy better health, it’s frustrating. Luckily I love lots of other vegetables, including things like broccoli that are little nutritional powerhouses (like spinach, but without the nasty).
Recently, however, I discovered something rather remarkable about myself. I found a way to eat salad.
I’m still working out the intricacies of the technique, but here, in a nutshell, is how to eat salad Sylvan-style.
1. Take a bag of mixed baby greens or something like that, and make sure it’s washed.
2. Shake salt into the bag – a few dashes, nothing extreme.
3. Shut the bag and shake the crap out of it.
4. Sit down and eat the greens one leaf at a time.
That’s it. No slivered almonds, no pomegranate flaxseed vinaigrette, no shaved stinky feet cheese. Just a bag of greens and a little salt.
The important thing I find is the method. By eating the leaves one at a time, with my fingers, I’ve turned a salad into a bag of entertainment. I get to taste each individual green and figure out which ones I like; I can experience their textures and flavors individually instead of as a giant mishmash of shrubbery drenched in oil. And by eating it that slowly, I allow my system time to deal with the raw veg without freaking out. A leaf here, a leaf there – nothing to get all uppity about.
Granted, this is not a meal; it’s more of a snack. But salad as a meal always felt like punishment to me, the way cottage cheese did; it was “healthy” food, which meant it was food you had to eat because you were fat. I don’t want any food to feel like punishment, especially not one with as many health benefits as raw leafy greens.
Sometimes it’s all about taking a different perspective. When I was a little kid, I always ate my foods separately. I wouldn’t eat a sandwich, but I’d eat bologna, cheese slices, and bread. I didn’t like foods touching each other on the plate. I’ve gotten over most of that, but the new Salad Method gives me a little taste of nostalgia, a return to a simpler, less emotionally fraught way of eating.
The only annoying side effects I’ve found are: 1) it makes people look at me funny in restaurants, which they do anyway when they see a woman eating alone, especially a fat woman who actually appears to be enjoying her food; and 2) my cat, who loves to steal from my plate (and sometimes right out of my hand) made off with a lettuce leaf and promptly barfed it up again, giving me a look that clearly said, “Mom, this ISN’T FOOD. THIS IS WHAT FOOD EATS.”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a bag of that weird curly stuff that looks like it should be growing out of the north side of a tree.
There’s a lot of talk in the news about our national budget and deficit – and who should get the shaft so the rich can stay rich – but at the moment I’m more focused on a more personal form of deficit spending…and I don’t mean the kind that shows up on a credit report.
I’ve come to view my personal energy level as a sort of extremely localized economy. Think of it this way: a single human being has a certain amount of energy at any given time. This includes physical, mental, and spiritual energy, which are all essentially the same thing or at least arise from the same Divine source. But even if you aren’t of a mystical bent, the metaphor is still useful.
Say the Goddess gives you a $100 energy allowance per day. Just being awake and alive, your body going about its normal function uses $50 a day. Your job takes, say, $20; dealing with family members takes $20; and leisure takes the remaining $10. (Amounts are purely hypothetical.) At the end of the day, assuming that $100 is all you had in your account, you’re zonked.
However, you can boost your energy budget by eating nutrient-dense foods like veggies and whole grains, so you earn $10 back. Exercise you enjoy (if you don’t enjoy it it won’t earn as much of a return) will gain you another $5. But then, if you eat a whole cake, not only do you use up physical resources, the sugar crash can do mean things to your mental health, so you lose a chunk of what you earned. Good sex can bring in energy dollars too – it expends some, but if it’s really awesome and with someone you care about (hence, no drama to drain your account), you come out ahead. (If it’s with yourself, it’s pure profit.) Meditation and prayer would also add to your positive balance, and since they help you to be more relaxed and confident in other areas, they’re a wise investment. Working at a job you love will bring you more energy than you spend on a job you hate, and so forth.
Just remember it’s a metaphor, not a zero-sum game; the idea isn’t to have a perfect balance of expenditures and income, because then, if something goes wrong – you get sick, or your car has a flat tire, or your cat needs surgery – you’ll be running at a stress-induced deficit almost immediately. Human beings have a surprisingly large energy reserve, but modern life depletes it gradually as poor diet, lack of exercise, an abundance of drama, and compassion fatigue drain it cent by cent. Where does that leave you when tragedy strikes…or, when you’ve gone too long on too little and suddenly find yourself running on empty? Ideally you want a budget surplus.
My idea is to do everything I can to shift the balance toward the positive. It’s not complicated math: everything you can add to your day that brings you energy without draining you, and everything you can do to minimize the energy you carelessly give away, will build your nest egg, meaning your overall wellness. As I’ve learned with actual money, life is just much smoother if you have a little something in savings. Then, once in a while, you can eat a whole cake if that’s what you choose to do, and it won’t bankrupt you.
How can you tell if an activity is worth the energy it requires? Think of how you feel afterward. Most of us have that one person in our lives that just sucks us dry – nothing is ever enough. They’re like a giant black hole of need surrounded by tentacles. The New Agey term for such a person is “energy vampire,” but you could also think of them as pickpockets, rifling through your coat to look for spare bits of energy they can make off with. You might not be able to totally avoid such a person (they might be a coworker or family member), but you can pay attention to how they drain you, and then either minimize your contact or try to build your energy back up afterward by doing things you know give you an overall boost.
That’s the main thing, really: learn to pay attention to where your energy goes and how much comes in. If you’re feeling exhausted and apathetic, you’re losing energy somewhere. Depression itself is a huge mojo-sucker, and people who suffer from it have to work that much harder to keep their balance on the positive side, otherwise it gradually strips away every last cent and leaves you with nothing.
You can start by drawing a pie chart and dividing it according to how much energy you estimate you spend on the things you do throughout the day. Assume a $100 baseline (because then you’re working with 100%, which is easier to visualize) and divide the pie accordingly. (Or you could draw a snazzy doodle like the one above.) You may find you’re spending way more than your $100 and are in debt up to your ears; or you might be one of the lucky folk who’s good at mojo management and is solidly in the black.
Obviously anything you do for a “fix” is probably going to bite you in the butt in the long-term; sure, a quadruple espresso methamphetamine bender might give you energy for a little while, but the cost is very high, especially over the long-term. Try to find sustainable sources of energy that bring you optimum wellness without costing you, others, or the planet more than they have in their own banks, because eventually resources can run dry, and as we’ve seen with Big Oil, using a resource irresponsibly can cause incalculable damage to everything around you.
Consider where you could be leaking energy and where you could bring more in. If we were talking about money, it might be something as simple as your $5 a day Starbucks habit that’s breaking the bank one mocha at a time; but for you, that expenditure might be totally worth it. Maybe that fifteen minutes you spend in the morning sipping your mocha and enjoying the pre-work quiet is adding small but significant gains to your positive energy ledger. Everyone has different needs, goals, and things they enjoy; gardening might give you a big payback for the work put forth, but for me it would just be work. For me, dancing and doing Nia are income, but jogging would be a hellish expense. There’s no “right” budget, only the one that’s right for you.
As they say, health is wealth; managing your income and outflow with mindfulness and care can keep you wealthy for life.