Can we just get some mad props for Nina Dobrev? In this episode she was essentially playing THREE roles – Katherine, Elena, and Elena playing Katherine – and you could absolutely tell which one was which at any given moment.
I think it’s pretty amazing that Nina’s been able to play Vampire Elena and make her nothing like Katherine. That was one of my fears about the whole storyline: that VampLena would basically be Katherine warmed over. But whether she’s being EviLena or MopeLena, she’s made each version of that character line unique. I know some of that is the writing, but there aren’t a lot of actresses who could sell that kind of insanity. She makes it look easy. Hot damn.
Speaking of hot damn, ELIJAH! I hadn’t realized how much I missed him until he showed up in that gazebo. On a purely character level I’m so glad to see him again; he’s really the only person in the show who acts like a mature adult. His calm demeanor just oozes sophistication, whereas everyone else, even the actual adults and the other 1,000 year old vampires, oozes hormones. Constantly. Sometimes watching this show I forget what it feels like to see characters who aren’t in a constant state of mental and emotional emergency. Even when he’s pissed off, Elijah doesn’t run around with his hair on fire weeping and yelling out his dialogue – he doesn’t need to. The menace he can summon is of a very different breed from all his siblings. It’s a thing of beauty and a joy forever.
Also I heard quite a few people freaking the hell out over the idea that Stefan wants to leave Mystic Falls…are you guys watching the same show I am? There is no way in HELL Stefan is going anywhere, and even if he does, he’ll be back in a few episodes the way he was last year. Not for a single second did it occur to me to believe what he told Damon. I don’t think Damon really believes it either. I do think it’s a very positive thing that Stefan recognized how toxic all of their patterns had become – once again, I enjoy Stef’s character so much more when his balls aren’t in orbit around Elena’s WonderVag.
All right, enough babble. On with the show.
Eerily Normal Small Town
Elena and Rebekah roll into town in a sexy Porsche they’ve stolen from some poor dead douchebag (at least that’s my guess) and Bex is happy to recap the last episode for us.
BEX: Elena, we can’t stop here! We’re looking for Katherine because Katherine stole the cure from Silas’s cave and we stole this list from Damon after you massively cockteased him and I broke his neck and that list has places to look for Katherine and we’ve been like ten places and for some reason we don’t have five minutes to stop and pee or anything so get back in the car!
ELENA: I swear to God you sound just like a yappy little purse dog sometimes.
Elena heads over to munch on a local in broad daylight in the middle of town, because it’s possible the Intelligence Switch and the Humanity Switch are wired to the same junction box in her head, in which case she needs to fire her electrician.
SAVORY LOCAL: Wait a sec, Katherine, I said no hickeys!
BEX & ELENA: …baroo?
The girls figure out really quickly that Katherine has compelled the whole town to protect her identity (by forgetting her unless she’s speaking right to them) and give her feeding carte blanche, yet they think we need to be told like eight more times, so they make a point of asking the Savory Local a bunch of questions to demonstrate the effect.
Interesting. The compulsion is appearance-based? Seems kind of sloppy since Kat knows she’s got a double out there.
Road to Nowhere
Damon’s car has been left on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Stefan and Damon arrive to gas it up and…wait, why do they need to take Damon’s car to Pennsylvania? The one they’re driving right now would be a) less conspicuous and b) way more fuel efficient. Are they just going to leave this car where they found Damon’s?
Stefan repeatedly needles Damon for “letting” the girls get the list of Katherine’s addresses and run off. Kind of like how Stefan “let” the massacre happen when he was incapacitated by Witch-induced agony.
We feel you, Stef. We’ve had Witch-induced agony for years.
STEFAN: Oh! It’s my turn to recap part of the plot. This time it’s about how we need the cure to make Elena acceptable to us again.
DAMON: Did you know your hair makes you look like a monochrome hedgehog?
STEF: If you don’t have anything constructive to add to this dialogue, shut up.
DAMON: Dude, we’ve had this same dialogue in every episode for half the season. They get it. Elena vampire bad, cure good, go humans go. They want brother banter. Make some crack about creamed corn and we’re golden.
STEFAN: Oh, fine.
Haus of Klaus
After his run-in with Silas!Shane, Klaus is looking pretty rough. A piece of the white oak stake has broken off in his back just where he can’t reach. Isn’t that always the way?
The fingers-digging-in-wound noises are particularly disgusting.
Caroline arrives and sees Klaus shirtless, sweating, and bug-eyed like a terrified horse.
CAROLINE: Damn, baby, you’re a hot mess.
I’m not surprised Klaus would call Caro in an emergency, but I am surprised he didn’t have anyone else around who could help – minions, for example, or Hayley. Surely even if he couldn’t make more hybrids he would have compelled himself a few regular vampires to rinse out his delicates and mow the lawn.
Joseph Morgan does agony really well, by the way.
Caroline looks amazed at his condition, and walks up and gently puts her hands on his face, which means he’s either hallucinating or…
SILAS!CARO: Muahaha. You will bring me the cure. And a pony.
This version of Silas, an adorable blonde in a cute little dress, manages to be about five bajillionty times more frightening than Shane’s version. Shane mostly just brings us sad clown hair and pretension.
Thanks to the postman Elena and Rebekah figure out that Katherine has been in town in the last few minutes, and they split up to find her. You can imagine where that leads.
Katherine’s hair has grown another six inches and has gotten much curlier so we can be sure and tell them apart easily. Kat is also wearing this Sandra Dee in Grease outfit that I find very distracting.
The girls retire to the diner for a nice latte and some fork-stabbing.
Have you noticed how we almost never heard the term “humanity switch” until this storyline, and now we hear it every five goddamn seconds?
ELENA: Give me the cure.
BEX: Give me the cure.
KAT: Sorry girls, I’m wearing my magic non-bleeding hand this week. And I’m not giving you the cure – I need it to make a deal for my freedom with Klaus. That in no way could ever backfire on me – you know how it goes.
Katherine makes the first of several declarations in this episode that she’s “not the girl you think I am.” If they’re emphasizing it that much, I’m guessing she’s going to get some sort of redemption arc, which means they’ll kill her off – there’s only room for one Special Snowflake on this show.
Since Kat isn’t forthcoming with the cure, Bex grabs her phone and tosses it to Elena, who finds an entry on the calendar that just says “meet em.” Naturally when Kat refuses to divulge “em”’s identity, Elena and Bex decide it must be important enough for Elena to impersonate Katherine and go to the meeting herself.
Like I said. Intelligence switch, humanity switch.
Haus of Klaus
Once again Caroline walks in – in the same outfit, so we can’t be 100% sure if it’s actually her or not. What’s creepy is that if Silas wore a Caroline suit with that same outfit, he must have been watching her that day. Like normal creepers aren’t creepy enough.
KLAUS: I NEED MORE TIME! PONIES DON’T GROW ON BLOODY TREES YOU KNOW!
CAROLINE: Um…what in the what now?
KLAUS: Actual Caroline? Prove it!
Caroline starts to flounce off, which really is all the proof Klaus needs.
KLAUS: Wait! I need you to take these garden shears and dig around in my back.
CAROLINE: Why didn’t you just go to the hospital, have them remove it, then compel them to forget you were there?
KLAUS: THE FANGIRLS WANT ME SHIRTLESS, CAROLINE! DO NOT COME BETWEEN THE FANGIRL AND HER PREY!
The Land of Milk and Honey and Creamed Corn
Stefan and Damon, having arrived to find the stolen Porsche, discuss what they’re going to do with Elena once they find her. When I see characters arrive somewhere after hours of traveling or days have passed, and they’re having a conversation they really should have had way before they reached their destination, what the hell were they actually talking about trapped in a car together all those hours? They had all sorts of time to bounce ideas off each other and maybe come up with an actual plan. How many times can you get all the way through “99 Bags of Blood in My Belly” between Mystic Falls and Pennsylvania, I wonder?
In case you hadn’t figured it out, I have issues with the way people communicate–or don’t–on TV and in movies. So many third-act relationship snafus could be totally resolved with a two minute phone call, email, text, actual conversation between adults…it often comes off as lazy writing to me. There are any number of reasons important conversations aren’t had, ranging from “I thought you knew already” to “I was running from face-eating aliens and didn’t have time to tell you,” or even “I don’t want to talk about it.” But most of the time there’s no reason given. People just make assumptions and then don’t bother to verify them, so that the musical montage can involve lots of staring at phones and standing on balconies and no actual resolution. Grownups talk about stuff. That’s what keeps them from smothering each other with a pillow in the night.
Sorry. It’s a peeve of mine.
DAMON: I’m just gonna flat out say it: I don’t care what Elena wants.
STEFAN: Finally we agree on something!
Over in the diner, Elena has apparently done something to her makeup to make her look more like Katherine, which Rebekah thinks isn’t “slutty” enough. To me it doesn’t look like she changed anything, but I don’t know dick about girl things like makeup, so.
I’m not 100% sure why Katherine hasn’t taken off yet. She hasn’t even yanked the fork out of her hand. Rebekah’s not going to kill her before they get the cure, and surely with the element of surprise Kat could vamp-whoosh out of there and hide?
BEX: *variety of insults*
KAT: *variety of eyerolls*
ELENA: *variety of Katherine impressions*
I know a lot of people loved this whole Bitchy Girl exchange, but I thought it got tiresome really quickly. I think it reminded me too much of schoolyard bullying. Not that I don’t think Kat has earned a comeuppance, it just seems so petty compared to the shit she pulled. Katherine emotionally manipulated Elijah, Damon, and Stefan, drove wedges between relationships, fucked over pretty much anyone she knew, murdered a number of people including Elena’s brother…and this is the best you can do? Call her a slut and take her shoes? Really?
Again I’m having a hard time figuring out exactly what is supposed to be an “emotion” on this show. Isn’t contempt an emotion? Hatred? Disdain? The expressions on Elena’s face as she’s screwing with Katherine are not indifferent – she’s gleeful. That’s an emotion.
This whole thing was a lot more believable when Angel lost his soul on Buffy.
Elena hoofs it over to the gazebo to meet “em,” and even though there’s no way in hell Katherine would ever wear a dress that looks like a picnic tablecloth, Elena didn’t take a minute to compel herself a new outfit. Oh well.
Back in the diner, Rebekah continues mocking Katherine, this time for needing to compel people to like her.
I was under the impression that Katherine did it to keep herself hidden and enable herself to feed when and wherever she liked, not to make friends, but if it makes Bex feel better, fine.
KATHERINE: You do get that only one of you two will get to take the cure when you find it, don’t you?
BEX: Elena doesn’t want it. She’d have to go back to having normal little girl hair and wearing shoes without impractical heels.
KAT: And you want to be Mrs. Blandy McBlanderson of Mortalville. Sounds awesome. You’ll still be a screwed up insecure mess on the inside, you’ll just be on a timer.
I liked how Katherine tells Rebekah that becoming human again won’t make her life magically better. I’ve been trying to mentally vibe that to everyone for half the season. Everyone seems to have this idea that going back to mortal would sweep the last 100 or 1000 years under the rug, make them a different person, automatically give them a happy, ordinary life…not bloody likely, especially not for a thousand-year-old Original. You don’t just erase a millennium of memories, violence, and pain. You have to carry that weight until you die, and a human’s shoulders aren’t nearly as strong as an immortal’s.
Luckily the boys arrive to make everything…well, more difficult, like they always do.
STEFAN: It’s been like ten minutes since I said her name, so, where’s Elena?
We jump back to the gazebo, where Elena is still waiting.
ELENA: I could be having a scone right now, damn it! Show yourself!
ELIJAH: *something nobody hears because nobody’s listening because ELIJAH!*
ELENA: Wait, what’s that weird popping sound?
ELIJAH: That, my dear, is the sound of thousands of fangirl panties exploding.
We see immediately that something is afoot when Elijah gets all up in her personal space and plays with her hair. Basically the rest plays like this:
A WILD PANTY-SPLODER APPEARS!
ELENA USES STAMMER!
ELIJAH USES LIPLOCK OF DESTINY! IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
It’s tough to say exactly when Elijah figures out it’s not Katherine – I think it was sometime during the kiss, but at the very least when she puts her hand on his lapel and he looks down at it, then up at her face, it’s clear the jig is up.
ELENA: Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to Victoria’s Secret and get some more–
ELIJAH: Not so fast, there, Miss Katherine Was Right About How You Would Never Pass for Her.
Back at the diner Rebekah points out quite rightly that she has no reason to help the brothers find Elena – they want to force-feed Elena the cure, and chances are Bex will end up daggered again. Thus she’s disinclined to be helpful.
ME: Hey Stefan, remember whole massacre thing that basically means Silas is going to unleash hell on Earth? Do you think maybe that’s more important than whether or not Elena’s human? Whole planet full of werewolves, vampires, hybrids, a great many evil, most probably pissed off and hungry or at least crazy – versus your dress-up doll not acting like you want her to?
NOBODY: *listens to me*
Aha…a new conundrum emerges. If the boys don’t hurry up and get the cure and make Elena take it before it can be used to save the world from Silas, they risk Elena switching back on and choosing not to take it in order to save the world from Silas. Would they still force it on her then? Because that would take the whole thing beyond questionable and into despicable. You can argue that EviLena is non compos mentis with her switch off, but if it was back on, she’d certainly be herself and therefore ignoring her choice would be a pretty horrible violation of her free will. They might get their way, but would she ever forgive them? God I hope not. I already hope that their whole plan fails miserably and it ends up being up to Elena and only up to Elena who and how she is.
Not that I think either brother has really thought it through. They’re basically running on “MEAN ELENA BAD. WANT NICE ELENA. HOW MAKE NICE ELENA? CURE GOOD.”
My assumption at this point is that sometime between now and the finale Elena’s switch will flip back on and she’ll have to decide whether to use the cure to destroy Silas or take it herself, and since Elena’s so “compassionate” she’ll give up her shot at humanity to save everybody. After all, Damon and Stefan aren’t the only people around here caught in a behavioral loop.
KATHERINE: Elena’s probably dead by now. She went to meet a friend of mine. And by “friend” I mean “guy I frequently climb like my Aunt Mary’s peach tree.” Oh, and Bex–he’s your brother.
KAT: No. The other one.
BEX: Kol, the dead one?
KAT: Um…no. The other one.
BEX: Finn, the useless one?
KAT: Ew, no!
BEX: Oh dear God she’s talking about Elijah.
I love the disgusted noises everyone at the table makes when they all realize what Kat means when she says Elijah’s her “friend.” Seriously, it was one of the best moments of the episode.
STEFAN: Okay, so where is Elena? Rebekah, if something happens to her you’ll never find the cure, so tell me where she went.
BEX: That doesn’t make any sense. Why exactly won’t I ever find it without her? I’ve got Katherine right here, and she’s the one who actually knows where the thing is. Elena doesn’t really factor in…oh, right. It’s Elena. EVERYTHING has to do with Elena. What was I thinking? Gazebo, park. Come on, Katherine, while Stefan’s off trying to act like he can intimidate Elijah in any way shape or form, we’ll go get the cure.
KAT: I don’t understand why none of you thinks it’s suspicious that I’ve been so easy to persuade today. I mean, every time you want something, you make a stern face and I’m all, “Fine.” What’s wrong with all of you? Have you ever known me not to have a backup plan?
THE OTHERS: *blank stare*
Haus of Klaus
Caroline digs around in Klaus’s back with the garden shears, or pliers, or whatever they are, and also digs at Klaus, which is pretty damn funny. The sight of her doing this, however, is NOT funny. It’s really freaking gross.
CARO: I swear there’s nothing in here. Just, you know, really squishy sounding blood and tissue. Weird – even though the wound was enormous when you were digging in it with your fingers, right now it’s a hole exactly big enough for the pliers. It’s vampire magic!
She continues her squishing until she realizes that she’s trying to help someone who’s been pretty much the biggest bastard in the long and glorious history of bastardry, and then wises up and gives Klaus an ultimatum: she’ll only help him if he promises to let Tyler come back to town.
Klaus doesn’t seem to think that’s a good deal. What is it with this overweening pride thing? How do you get to be a thousand years old and not realize how counterproductive it is? I’m very fond of the Originals but sometimes I wonder, particularly with Klaus and Rebekah, if any of them have learned anything in all these years – about how people think, about what’s important, about what’s completely batfuck stupid. It’s like they’ve only got the life experience of someone the age they’re supposed to be, not the age they are. I totally get being stuck in a young body and subject to the hormones and nonsense, but surely after all that time they’d have matured at least a little.
Speaking of maturity, Stefan calls Katherine’s phone, and Elijah answers. This conversation is insanely awesome.
STEFAN: Katherine’s safe as long as Elena’s safe. Oh, and also we’ve got your sister on our side.
The way Elijah reacts to that statement, and how he says “Put her on the phone” just kills me. And when I say “kills” I mean “exploding panties.”
At this rate Elijah should buy stock in Cacique.
ELIJAH: Touch one lustrous hair on the head of my boo and I shall do something very unfortunate to Elena.
FANGIRLS EVERYWHERE: *start furiously writing Elijah/iPhone porn*
ELENA: Why do men always think with their peeners?
ELIJAH: Because if we thought with our asses, all we’d want out of life are cushiony chairs and Charmin.
Some Painfully Normal House Somewhere
Katherine has led Bex and Damon to an empty house whose owners, one would assume, were her lunch at some point. They mock her choice of houses, but really, if you were trying to stay off the radar, isn’t a boring house where you’d want to be? She’s probably converted the basement into a dungeon where she can keep people in chains and ride them like ponies, but kept the living room as unlike her as possible to throw off morons like, for example, Rebekah and Damon, who still haven’t even grasped the fact that Kat is almost certainly playing them because THAT’S WHAT SHE DOES.
KATHERINE: *digging in safe* Somebody stole it! Oh drat!
DAMON: Yeah, tell us another one. Not a very Katherine-like hiding place, I gotta say.
KATHERINE: Well maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.
DAMON: Wait…is that the theme of this episode? Are you about to get a redemption arc?
KATHERINE: God, I hope not.
BEX: Me too.
Katherine doesn’t try to keep up the ruse, but gets that enigmatic cat-smile she’s so very good at and watches Damon and Bex rummage around the house for the cure. For some reason this doesn’t clue Damon or Rebekah in to the fact that Kat is almost certainly playing them again because THAT’S WHAT SHE DOES.
DAMON: Aha! It’s probably in this gigantic empty aquarium…you didn’t eat Nemo, did you?
KATHERINE: I dunno, you should stick your hand in there and see.
DAMON: Okie doke. OW!!!!!!
She immediately seizes Damon’s head and pushes it into the vervained water; while he’s writhing on the floor in agony she reaches into the tank and pulls out the black box o’cure.
REBEKAH: Oh no you don’t missy!
Kat takes the actual cure out of the box and throws it up in the air so Bex can either catch it, letting Kat escape, or drop it and let it shatter.
Huh. Turns out the cure is one of these:
DAMON: Don’t take it, Rebekah! Because of…reasons!
BEX: Oh come on, Damon, we all know you don’t want Elena to have this because SHE’LL JUST GET BACK WITH STEFAN BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY THAT’S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN EVERYONE SAYS SO JUST ASK EVERYONE IN EVERY GODDAMN EPISODE SINCE WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE STUPID CURE. Cheers!
And of course, Damon hesitates, because he believes Elena’s that fickle too, and Bex drinks the thing, and if only that were the end of it, but noooooooo.
I think it’s funny how everyone keeps saying what a fabulous person Elena is supposed to be, but then they always seem to assume the worst about the choices she would or wouldn’t make. Nothing like building a relationship on a foundation of trust, is there?
STEFAN: Oh no! The culmination of the entire season ruined in five seconds! No, for real! It’s totally believable!
You can hear Katherine rolling her eyes from however many miles away she’s already run. Right there with ya, babe.
Haus of Klaus
Klaus continues to sweat and growl, but Caroline sits primly in an armchair, unmoved by his outbursts.
CARO: Nope, no help for you, not unless you let Tyler come home.
KLAUS: KLAUS SMASH!
CARO: CARO DO BUG-EYED HOLLER IN FACE!
KLAUS: …I’ll be damned. It doesn’t hurt anymore.
CARO: …wait, what? I was just working up a good head of steam!
KLAUS: Getting me pissed off must have broken my mind out of a Silas-loop. The stake was never even there, he just made me think it was. You’re my hero, Caroline! You saved me from phantom penetrating wound syndrome!
CAROLINE: Well, shit.
Caroline, perhaps alone of all her friends, realizes that if Silas is capable of screwing with Klaus so thoroughly, they might just all be completely boned. Nobody else attached to the situation really seems to care all that much about Silas’s plans – Stefan was concerned until the massacre went through, and then he hared off looking for Elena – not to get the cure to save everyone from Silas, mind you, but because of Elena. Again. For fuck’s sake.
Obviously both of these storylines will combine in time for the finale, so eventually they’re all going to figure out they’re boned and need un-boning, but right now at least it’s business as usual.
Painfully Normal House
Bex snoozes on the couch post-cure, and Stefan takes the opportunity to accuse Damon of purposefully sabotaging them by letting Rebekah take it. If we hadn’t heard 87 permutations of this same argument over the life span of the show, it might seem a little more dramatic.
Wall Porn Central
Elena has kindly told Elijah that Katherine killed Jeremy, which Kat failed to mention to Elijah and somehow surprises him even after all these years. The idiocy-inducing powers of the Petrovagina remain as potent as they were 500 years ago.
ELENA: I can’t believe how gullible all of you are. I mean it’s one thing for the Salvatore boys to moon over me and keep making the same stupid mistakes, but aren’t you supposed to be all wise and awesome with your suit and your infernal ability to sexify anything you lean against?
FANGIRLS EVERYWHERE: *start furiously writing Elijah/wall porn*
KATHERINE: *Elena necksnap* Hey snugglebunny, did I miss anything?
Our House is a Very Very Very Dull House
Bex wakes up from her “curing” claiming to feel alive and fantastic, showing us the power of the mind and the placebo effect.
DAMON: Oh, goody. Here, have a letter opener to the forehead.
BEX: *vampsnatch* …FUCK.
STEFAN: YAY! She gave you a fake cure!
BEX: I thought it was kind of weird that it tasted like high fructose corn syrup.
Bright and Cheerful Alleyway of Magnificent Bastardry
Elijah crouches next to Elena’s necksnapped body while Katherine defends her actions, which mostly boil down to “she’s annoying and I wanted to.” Sounds good to me.
ELIJAH: Kind of like how you killed Jeremy Gilbert?
KATHERINE: Well, yeah, pretty much exactly the same. I mean no! I only killed Jeremy because there was absolutely no other way I could have gotten the cure.
The issue of whether or not Kat is sincere with all her Elijah-love could go either way, but I think it’s telling that when we see her expression as she’s facing away from Elijah, both here and later on, she’s not smiling. Usually when Katherine’s being conniving she has that evil little smile. Not so with Elijah. At moments when nobody’s looking she looks just as upset as she does when they are. That leads me to believe she might actually mean it. Elijah, however, is not convinced.
ELIJAH: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me eleventy billion more times, I’m outta here. For a minute. See ya.
Katherine walks up to the door and knocks; the woman from the opening scene answers.
SAVORY LOCAL: Hey Katherine, whassup?
KAT: I need my package.
SAVORY LOCAL: Sure! Just out of curiosity, what is it?
KAT: A 50ml ampoule of none of your damn business.
Back in “downtown” Willoughby, Elijah walks purposefully up the sidewalk until Katherine intercepts him.
ELIJAH: Oh, what now?
KAT: I left my crotchless panties and my Foreigner CD at your place. Can I come get them later?
ELIJAH: Make like a tree and get the hell out of my face.
KATHERINE: Wait! You’re totally right, I’m a horrible person, and you don’t really know me and neither do I. But I really do love you, so I’m going to give you this and let you decide what to do with it.
She hands him the cure and then walks off. Elijah, pensive, keeps walking until he reaches his car, where he gets another unpleasant surprise: Rebekah.
BEX: Give it.
ELIJAH: Don’t think so.
BEX: But I want to be human! I want to pop out puppies and get old and saggy and have normal things like a mortgage and tampons and be on six different psych meds just to get up in the morning and then die drooling and peeing all over myself.
ELIJAH: What the hell is WRONG with everyone? Have you all been taking crazy pills?
BEX: …give it.
Just then who should call but Klaus, tabling the question for a moment. Bex tells Klaus that things have gotten “complicated,” and then hands the phone to Elijah, who delivers one of the best lines in the episode:
ELIJAH (Actual dialogue): Complication speaking.
KLAUS: Oh joy, it’s you.
ELIJAH: I’m bringing the cure to Mystic Falls. That seems like the smartest thing to do.
REBEKAH: And you think I’m taking crazy pills?
Haus of Klaus
Caroline walks in saying something about having used all of Klaus’s bleach.
KLAUS: What is this blee-ach you speak of? Is that something servants eat?
CARO: Never mind. Laters.
KLAUS: Wait, I have to thank you for making me un-crazy by screaming in my face. More people should scream in my face. I might be nicer.
CAROLINE: Can Tyler come home?
KLAUS: …well…no, but you do realize if I actually wanted him dead he’d have been dead already.
That almost gets a smile from Caroline, which in turn gets a really cute and slightly dopey smile from Klaus. Ah, young love.
Scenic Downtown Willoughby
Stefan and Damon are having their walk-down-the-street scene.
DAMON: Okay, so I let Rebekah take the cure – I realized it was a dick move the second I made it.
STEFAN: I’m so totally over all of this, Damon. As soon as we force-feed Elena the cure and she’s all better, I’m outta here. I’m going to go have a life somewhere.
DAMON: Oh my God, you’re ADORABLE when you’re delusional.
They join Elena in the diner where she has summoned them to chat.
ELENA: Okay, so, I don’t want the cure. Can you respect that?
ELENA: Thought so. Well, if you keep trying to fix me, there will be consequences.
STEFAN: I think it’s important to emphasize once again that I was in the same situation you’re in right now, because we haven’t brought that up yet in this episode.
Can you imagine where we’d be now if the writers took all the time they spend telling us the same five things in every episode and used those minutes to tell the actual story?
JOLENE THE WAITRESS: More coffee?
ELENA: Yes, thanks, and can I also have a side of necksnap?
JOLENE: I’m sorry hon, we don’t have any necksnap.
ELENA: Sure you do. *necksnap* See? I’ll leave a trail of bodies with your names carved into them. You can either give up on fixing me, or you can be responsible for all the people I kill. Up to you.
STEFAN AND DAMON: …Well, shit.