Note: This is strictly for entertainment. Nothing mentioned in this “meeting” actually happens in the story; it’s all total fiction…about fiction. There is also adult language aplenty.
Second Note: I have nothing against Sookie Stackhouse. Okay, I don’t like True Blood, but I’ve never read the books and I hear they’re pretty cool.
Sylvan: All right, everyone, let’s get this underway. Roll Call. Miranda?
Miranda: Honey, put the iPad down. You look like a douchebag.
David: Oh, sorry. But did you see the new app that…never mind. Yes, I’m here.
Sylvan: Prime and Consort of the West?
Sylvan: Prime of Eastern Europe and –
Sylvan: Damn. Okay, Prime of Eastern Europe?
Jacob (looking relieved): Present.
Sylvan: Prime of the Northeast? Hart? Are you with us?
Hart (eyeroll): Whatever. I don’t even need to be here, do I? You’re just going to kill me off by the end of the book.
Sylvan: That hasn’t been determined yet. But the way you’ve been acting, buddy, don’t push your luck.
Hart: You’re all a bunch of fucking sheep–
Deven: Oh? I hear you’re the one who enjoys fucking sheep.
Hart: Why you little fa–
Sylvan: ENOUGH, boys. Save the venom for on camera. Okay, who else…Cora?
Cora (quietly): Here.
Faith (staring daggers at Hart): Present.
Sylvan: Is she here yet?
David: Christ I hope not. Can I just go on record as saying I object, strongly, to including her here? If she’s the Big Bad -
Miranda: But we don’t know that yet. None of us has seen the script.
Sylvan: Yeah, um…that’s actually why I called this meeting. There is no script. Not yet. I haven’t started it.
Deven: But it’s January.
Sylvan: I know.
Deven: Did anyone buy you a calendar for Christmas, Sylvan? Because if they didn’t, it might interest you to know that there are only seven months between–
Sylvan: I KNOW, okay?
Jonathan: Are you blocked? She’s blocked. That’s twenty dollars, everyone, I called it before New Year’s.
(grumbling as money changes hands)
Sylvan: You’re all bastards. You know if you don’t help me get this underway, you’ll all be out of a job. What series is going to want an adult husband and wife vampire who actually communicate and are equals, instead of the woman letting the man do all her thinking? And you two, do you think you’ll get to be in charge of half the country and gay in some YA franchise? DO YOU WANT TO SPARKLE? DO YOU ALL WANT TO WORK WITH SOOOOOKEH????
Sylvan: Good, then, we have to work together on this. All hands on deck, guys. I need ideas to flesh out the basic outline you’re being handed now. I want everyone to go home and look it over, then come back here with suggestions – reasonable ones only, Deven, no dancing boys and NO WEREWOLVES, FAITH. Are we clear, here?
(general murmur of reluctant agreement)
Sylvan: Okay, then, let’s go. Central Pair, I need to see you for a moment.
Miranda: What’s up, boss?
Sylvan: I’m considering opening book 3 in California, from either Dev or Jonathan’s POV. Since we’ll be opening up the narrative to include the POVs of other character introduced in Shadowflame, I thought it would be a good way to ease into the idea that you and David – while still the central couple, absolutely, don’t worry about that – aren’t always going to be the eyes and ears. Now that the story is getting broader, our view has to broaden as well, but I still want to find a balance between that and keeping this intimate. At heart this is your story, Miranda. Always has been, always will be – you and David and the relationships that define you and the events that change you.
Sylvan: And I just wanted that to be clear.
Miranda: Does that mean we get a raise?
Sylvan (snort): Let me put it to you this way. We play our cards right, give it our all, and one day…they’ll be writing fanfic about you.
(Miranda and David both look horrified)
David: Where’s my contract? I need to speak to my agent NOW.
Sylvan (sighing): I’m afraid you have an iron clad Slash Clause, David. You might as well get used to the idea. I’m within my rights to alter your sexual proclivities in any way I deem necessary. I told you to read the fine print.
David: Fine. But not Hart. Anyone but Hart, okay?
Miranda: Because he’s an evil son of a bitch?
David (looking pale): No…because I hear he’s got a tiny dick.
Miranda: You wouldn’t do that to him, would you, boss?
Sylvan: I wasn’t planning on it. But now I’m intrigued. You know, a friend of mine once said, “it’s not the size of the army, it’s the fury of its onslaught.”
David: I will not be molested by the 3″ Battalion Teeny Peeny Brigade!
Sylvan: OUT! Both of you, out. I have to work and you’re not helping! I’m sorry, David, but you signed on for an evolving role, and that means you’re just going to have to–
Miranda: Suck it up and deal?
(Sylvan throws a pen at Miranda, who ducks out of the conference room giggling, hauling David by the arm.)