By the time you’re 45 you should have:
1 – A favorite form of ibuprofen
2 – An embarrassing medical issue involving your butt, belly, or business
3 – A slang vocabulary at least 6-12 months out of date
4 – An animal nemesis somewhere in your neighborhood, whether a marauding squirrel, yapping dog, or blue jay that always shits on your car.
5 – At least one extremely niche interest or hobby that always requires explanation
6 – A driving need to explain that interest or hobby
7 – Realized that you could have spawned half the members of your team at work
8 – A growing appreciation for the phrase “fuck all y’all.”
9 – Heard a song you loved from the 80s-90s sampled by an artist half your age
10 – An existential crisis every time the supermarket rearranges the aisles