Category: 2023

So how was July?

Warning: This is not a smallish post. I have a lot on my mind.

It’s been a long month. The weather has been brutally, life-drainingly hot. I’ve spent this last week in what I call the Shit Pit – a deep and nasty depressive episode, usually lasting 7-10 days before the slow climb back out.

Before that, my mental health for July was actually very good! I was enjoying how I felt, which I try to do as much as I can because I know it will end eventually. I am always trying to learn better ways to cope with my time in the Shit Pit, and understanding that it’s always temporary has been soooo helpful.

I don’t function well in the heat; never have. Realizing that this is probably the coolest summer we’ll have from now on makes it so much worse. I think part of my tumble into the Pit was a sorrowful sense of ending. It seems like everything is just getting worse and worse – not just the climate. Normally I am able to hang on to a little hope – there are still people fighting, still victories. Maybe there’s still time. But this month I wasn’t able to maintain even that. Down we go!

A favorite local business, Rabbit Food Grocery, shut down this month; Sinead O’Connor, a lifelong heroine and inspiration, died this week. My mother had some serious health issues in July as well (she’s doing much better). America expected us to come to its birthday party after it’s been acting like an asshole all year. Ugh. What a month.

Good things did happen this month though! I got to go to my first miniatures show with a dear friend, the first trip out of town I’d had in…um…a long time. We even tried a vegan Mexican restaurant and oohhhhhhh it was good. Because of that trip I discovered the marvel that is peach butter (so good on toast, OMG). And I built two miniature kits and am almost, almost done with the dollhouse. So it wasn’t all Shit Pit all the time.

But all I can do is do better! July is over, time to move forward. We can’t undo bad decisions or un-fuck what we’ve fucked up. We can only blunder onward with better intentions and maybe better plans in place. I can think back over July and find ways to support my mental health more effectively. I can seek out more ways to contribute to the world within my means and abilities. I can dig into the reasons why I spend so much on deliveries and work on better meal management.

(How is it no one told me that feeding myself would be one of the hardest parts of adulthood?)

So, to summarize the blog challenge…

Well, I’ve kind of blown it, in terms of posting every day. The fact is, I’m a shit blogger. I post a bunch for a while then nothing. I write loooooong posts with no pictures! God forbid! I feel like there has to be a way I can use my blog that will work for my writing style and my life, but in all these years I haven’t sussed it out. I’m a good writer but not much of a blogger, and that’s always struck me as weird – it’s a built in platform to talk about whatever I want! Seems like I’d never run out of stuff to go on about!

In our weird modern social media world if you don’t post every day, advertise yourself, get sponsors, cover your site with ads, optimize the doohickey, plan your Instagram ahead of time, use like 3x more pictures than words, never go past like 200 words in a post, and fondle the algorithms, no one will ever find you. Success is views and likes and revenue. Content quality? Eh, whatever, as long as you “build your brand.”

That’s never going to be me.

I’ve let that intimidate me more than I care to admit, as well as my lack of youth and beauty, especially when it comes to posting YouTube videos. All these young, pretty women with tons of tattoos (where are they getting the money?) filming gorgeous cinematic videos of themselves walking through the woods in long skirts and shit…I live in a city and it’s too hot to go outside. I also don’t wear skirts and my wardrobe is, well, dowdy on a good day.

I think that’s a lot of my problem when it comes to social media and blogging, not to mention writing books on spirituality – the media are so saturated with lovely things to look at, but I’m a terrible photographer and I don’t even wear makeup.

Notice however that this is my problem, not something wrong with the folks out there doing the work. I admire them so much! Back when I was 23 and thought I knew shit about shit would have been the perfect time for me to create a media presence – I was fearless enough to write about a religion I’d practiced for six years! That kind of crazy bravery/hubris is awesome fuel. Life and major depressive disorder have ground that out of me, and I’m not sure where it leaves me. I feel just as compelled to contribute to my spiritual community as I always have, I’m just not sure how to approach it. How can I be myself out there and still be heard?

You don’t have to answer that question, don’t worry. It’s just where I’m at after this month on the blog and my time in the Shit Pit. I feel like I’m on the cusp of at least part of an answer, though, so that’s good! Like I said 500 words ago…all I can do is do better!

I could go on and on about the environment, animal rights, human rights, and my spirituality, but lucky for you, I can boil it down to this:

I am a vegan because I believe an animal’s life is worth more than a sandwich or a pair of shoes.

Up until this year I would have just said “ketchup,” but I’ve discovered a new combo: Half ketchup and half Sweet Chili Sauce. It’s kind of a revolutionary change for me since I can’t handle spicy food (I honestly ask the Indian restaurant for “white girl spicy” and they know what I mean), but having discovered Sweet Chili Garlic hummus earlier this year I decided to try the sauce on things.

My favorite brand so far has been Thai Kitchen, but I know that both Sprouts and Whole Foods have a house brand, and I’d like to try them. But mixing it with ketchup makes a fantastic dipping sauce for fries as well as faux chicken nuggets and strips.

I’m in a weird place, bag-wise, these days. I rarely need an actual purse anymore as I have to tote my work laptop back and forth from the office every day. They gave everyone backpacks, so I just keep everything I need on the daily in there. If I go out somewhere it’s either to a friend’s house for crafting, which requires its own bag and paraphernalia; or I’m running an errand so I just need something small to carry my wallet, keys, phone, and sunglasses. I finally found a small bag that I love for it, and I still have my purse for longer outings, which holds a ton of stuff, but for the most part it’s me and my backpack lately.

I should probably get out more. Maybe once the temperature isn’t surface-of-Mercury and I’m seated better in my finances I can go do more things. This past weekend I went to my first movie in all of 2023! (Mission: Impossible, Dead Reckoning Part 1)

So, what’s in my backpack?

Picture a standard black backpack with a padded laptop compartment and a company logo stitched into the front. Inside you’ll find:

• My bullet journal, a Notebook Therapy dot grid in A5 size.
• My handmade sticker folder full of various and sundry planner stickers
• My sticky note cover which of course matches the sticker folder, LOL.
• A variety of writing implements, mostly either cheap novelty gel pens or Pilot Precise V-5 RT in black; one or several Zebra Mildliners; and occasionally a pencil. I usually don’t carry my art supplies these days but I do have scissors, a roll of washi tape, and a glue stick in my backpack, just in case.
• My newest addition, a self-care kit.

The Unicorn Pouch

I am a middle-aged woman, and I need drugs. I’m also a uterus-bearer so I have issues with that. And I have IBS and allergies! Yeah, I’m a mess. But I’m a prepared mess. I decided I needed to have some things with me wherever I go, especially at work. My company is good about supplying basic stuff – they have Advil, Tylenol, sanitizer galore, and menstrual supplies (in all restrooms, not just the ladies’), but I’m particular about certain stuff.

Contents from left to right:

• A nail file
• Sanitizing hand wipes
• A pill box containing Kratom for my bad period days
• Packets of Advil (I grab a couple from the office just to have on me or I bring a small container of the liquid gels I keep at home and prefer)
• A dose of Dayquil
• Another box full of Benadryl (not just for me, but for anyone having an allergy problem)
• Two or three menstrual pads (I use these U by Kotex big lady pads, they’ve been my go-to for years – they’re the first thing I’ve ever found that was genuinely leak-proof (or as much as possible) that felt like adequate coverage for my lady business)
• Stall Mates – basically baby wipes for grown-ups. I like these out of the different individually packaged wipes I’ve tried. I thought about carrying a travel pack of the regular old baby wipes, but they tend to be larger than is discreet for taking to a ladies’ room. I don’t mind people knowing I’m bleeding but “My big ass needs extra wiping” is a little more than I want to advertise.
• A third pill box containing Pepto-Bismol pills. They’re kind of weaksauce when it comes to a full blown IBS attack but they are great for queasiness, indigestion, and general ick.

As I mentioned earlier this month I’ve barely read anything at all in 2023, but I didn’t want to just list the same old favorites. I read all of these in the last couple of years.

The Choice: Embrace the Possible by Dr. Edith Eva Eger

I’m not sure I’ll ever be half as forgiving and positive as Eger, who tells the story of her imprisonment in Auschwitz, having to dance for Mengele, and her path back to a full and happy life. She’s an amazing human with an amazing story. The sequel, The Gift, is also excellent, but I love a good memoir, and this one was both uplifting and deeply harrowing.

The Woman Who Would be King: Hatshepsut’s Rise to Power in Ancient Egypt by Kara Cooney

I have mentioned I’m a huge Egyptology nut, and Hatshepsut, a woman who remade her image as a pharaoh into a King rather than a Queen is a fascinating story. Cooney’s book adds speculation about Hatshepsut’s life based on the available evidence – she talks about what it might have been like for the pharaoh navigating the world of Ancient Egypt, rather than dryly recounting the artifacts and inscriptions verbatim. The result is a sort of imaginative biography and it’s fascinating.

She Who Changes: Re-Imagining the Divine in the World by Carol P. Christ

You may have a hard time finding this one – I ordered it from a used bookseller online – but it’s so worth it. This was the first work on Process Theology I read, and it made my head spin around (like a record, baby). It can be a bit dry, so I recommend taking it chapter by chapter.

Spells for Living Well: A Witch’s Guide for Manifesting Change, Well-being, and Wonder by Phyllis Curott

As you may recall I am a longtime Curott fan. Her Witch Crafting is still among my favorite books on the Craft. This little spellbook is so refreshing compared to most of the recent spellbooks I’ve looked at; Curott’s focus is always on the spirituality, meaning, the Divine! There are more than just “manifesting” what you want type spells, there are those for the Earth herself, for the greater good, and to help you connect to Nature. But don’t worry, there are plenty of spells for your needs and desires as well. I looked forward to this book from the moment it was announced, and I was not disappointed.

Rebel Witch: Carve the Craft That’s Yours Alone by Kelly-Ann Maddox

I’m a big fan of Kelly-Ann’s as well – when I got back into the Craft after my long hiatus hers was one of the Youtube channels that drew me in. Her videos are both practical and imaginative, and she doesn’t try to fill your eyes with pretty scenery and cottagecore props; she sits there and talks to you (most of the time) and is straightforward, hilarious, sometimes emotionally raw, and always wise. There’s nothing wrong with the dreamy cottagecore vibe, I quite like it in fact, but sometimes I want more than something pretty, I want to talk to a friend about the wherefore and why of magic. She goes into mental health a lot and how you can work with the Craft to help your trauma and emotional well-being, and she’s big into deep self-care and self-love, not in terms of baths and spa days alone but in terms of doing your Shadow Work and truly healing. Her book Rebel Witch is a distillation of her ideas and applies them to creating your own form of Witchcraft that fits your life and your beliefs. I adore her and am gleefully anticipating her future books! Definitely try her videos if you haven’t.

Congratulations on bringing a Sylvan into your family! You can look forward to years of companionship, more or less, and a lot of quips! Please keep these instructions and tips in mind when setting up your Sylvan’s enclosure and caring for her.

Basic Care Instructions

1. Your Sylvan will thrive best in a quiet, cool room with ample blankets and pillows. She will also require variable light depending on her activities. A bit of sunlight is great, but be sure her enclosure does not overheat or she will fly into a sobbing rage.
2. Sylvans are herbivores, which means they do not eat meat, dairy, eggs, or honey. You will find your new friend is happiest on a diet of Beyond Chicken Nuggets, potatoes, and a ketchup/sweet chili dipping sauce. Frequent supplementation with fruits and vegetables is recommended to keep your Sylvan happy and healthy!
3. Sylvans eat irregularly if left to their own devices. They may completely forget to eat if they are in the middle of a project or just don’t want to get up.
4. Sylvans often refuse to drink adequate water, so, it is best to lure them into the idea by keeping their water supply in a cute bottle with plenty of ice. Speaking of ice, did you know one of a Sylvan’s favorite treats is a Starbucks iced Blonde Vanilla oat milk latte? Bring one to her and watch her light up!
5. Other safe treats for your Sylvan include Golden Oreos, soft pretzels, black bean chalupas from Taco Bell (please be sure there is no sour cream, avocado, or cheese as these are toxic for your Sylvan!), and Oatly ice cream.
6. Your Sylvan will sleep most of the day. This is natural! Sylvans are by nature deeply depressed and in order for them to function at all they require adequate rest, which will seem like a lot to the average human. Social interactions may leave your Sylvan sluggish for several days. Don’t worry, she’ll perk back up! Just be patient.
7. When not sleeping your Sylvan will want to spend a lot of time writing. For best results be sure she has a Macbook to work on. You may observe behavioral changes while she is writing, including wailing, gnashing of teeth, screaming, and erratic gesticulation. She may even dance around her enclosure in triumph from time to time. Have your camera ready!
8. Since your Sylvan is a rescue she may have a lot of emotional and physical issues. Your vet will provide all the necessary medications. Be sure she gets them per the dosage instructions. As long as she has a Coke Zero or iced coffee your Sylvan should not be difficult to pill. If she is being stubborn, hide the pills in a nut butter and jam sandwich (toast for best results).
9. In general Sylvans do not require a lot of external stimulation, as they are quite happy to spend time alone with books, a computer, and the occasional craft project. If you notice your Sylvan acting listless open her phone to Pinterest and let her browse for a while, or try one of the enrichment activities from the list below.

Tips for Keeping Your Sylvan Busy and Engaged:

1. Provide crossword puzzles and trivia games for your Sylvan. They are masters of useless facts.
2. Your Sylvan will enjoy videos just like you do! She will appreciate dollhouse and miniature project tutorials, ASMR videos (especially before bed!), vegan recipes, and programs about paleontology, archaeology, Egyptology, and disasters both man-made and natural; as well as nature documentaries narrated by Sir David Attenborough. She may also enjoy videos about Witchcraft and Paganism, but pay attention to her cues to be sure you don’t force her to sit through the irritating “aesthetic” stuff.
3. As for other visual enrichment, introducing your Sylvan to new content may take time. She will gravitate toward shows and movies she’s already seen 100 times, but if you leave hints and reviews of a new program around eventually you may pique her interest. If she seems agitated default to Lucifer, The Sandman, Golden Girls, Jurassic Park films, Disney animated works, and the first three or so phases of the MCU. Above all do not inflict “comedies” on her that involve men farting/defecating and behaving in misogynistic or homophobic ways.
4. Books! Books are important to your Sylvan even if she never seems to read them. She appreciates nonfiction the most, particularly history, archaeology, and other subjects she likes on video. Books related to forensic anthropology are appreciated, as are books on religion, metaphysics, mythology, and cooking. She will probably never cook; these books are purely for her enjoyment.
5. When it comes to her own books, it is imperative that you do not let her peruse reviews of her work – no, not even great ones! Studies have found that even good reviews cause her to have difficult feelings including inadequacy and a sense of failure. These will interfere needlessly with her current work. If you need her to work under a deadline, she will do great, as long as you provide additional iced coffee and snack supplementation.

Follow these hints and instructions and you and your Sylvan will have many happy years together! Don’t and, well, she’ll be a raving bitchmonster or at least super whiny and prone to soul-barf all over Facebook. Good luck!

Yeah, I’m sucking at this, aren’t I? LOL. I’ve been having a few hard days, mentally, so my executive functioning has taken a dive. Hopefully in a few more days I’ll perk back up, but in the meantime, I’ll try and get the rest of the prompts as done as I can. Bear with me.

Day 26

“Excuse me.”

The man looked up from the label of the last pint of Cherry Garcia. “Huh?”

“I was reaching for that when you grabbed it. I was here first.”

A withering glance. “Yeah, well, I’m faster.”

“Sir…I’ve had a bad night and I think for your own safety you should try a different flavor. Please.”

A laugh, derisive. “Man, fuck off.”

Four sounds:

1. The sound of a leather coat being opened
2. The sound of a sword being partially drawn
3. The sound of footsteps retreating rapidly
4. The sound of a pint of ice cream being caught one-handed as it flew through the air

A sigh. “Did you really just threaten someone over ice cream? Again?”

“…I said please.”

I apologize that these images aren’t “aesthetic” or anything. I think I may do a separate post soon that’s just supplies I use in my Grimoire, but for now, these are things I reach for time and again when doing any sort of craft or art. This is not a smallish post, but it was fun!

Note that I don’t really have favorite paint brushes – I do far more craft painting than “art” painting, so I’m kind of whatever on brushes as long as they’re synthetic. These are the ones I’m using right now but I wouldn’t call them “favorites.” I’ll try to add links to the products where I can; please note they are all Amazon links because it’s the most accessible to the most people, but most of this stuff you can find in other craft stores or online stores if you don’t shop at Amazon.

Left to right:

1. Wooden coffee stirrers are useful for just about any miniature craft. They can be flooring, trim, railings, picture frames, and on and on, and they come in boxes of at least a hundred for not much money.
2. These Fiskars microtip scissors are awesome.
3. I love my little hand drill, which comes with a billion bits, and is much easier to deal with for tiny holes than some big electrical monster.
4. I’m currently using Arteza acrylic paints for most of my miniatures, mostly because the box came with 65 colors and wasn’t all that expensive. I’m not sure how well they’d work for fine art, but they’ve been great for my dollhouse.
5. My pen of choice for both lettering and drawing is the Uni Pin. They’re waterproof and don’t smudge, and they work well in my bullet journal as well as on drawing paper.
6. In the back we have Mod Podge matte glue/sealant and one of their newer products, Dimensional Magic – it’s essentially the same thing as Ranger’s Glossy Accents, but GA is getting hard to find in any of the stores near me. Mod Podge brand things are everywhere. (And if you say Modge Podge I’ll scream.)

1. I got this tool box from Temu, but don’t worry, I’m not shopping there anymore (although honestly if you’re willing to buy from Amazon or Wal Mart you have no business lecturing people about Temu); it was very inexpensive and isn’t what you’d call professional quality, but it was a great size for my miniaturist’s tools. I added the Pusheen stickers.
2. I started out my dollhouse using wood glue, but working with it kind of annoyed me, so the last few months I’ve gone back to good old Aleene’s Tacky Glue. This fast-grab stuff lives up to its name pretty well. I especially like how you can get these stand-up bottles so you don’t have to wait for all the glue to run back down to the tip every time.
3. On the left front is a silicone clay shaping tool. I ordered a set for working with polymer and air-dry clay, but discovered that this one is great for applying tiny amounts of glue, and the glue comes right off when you’re done. (Link goes to a different set but it’s the same thing.) I think people also use them for nail art.
4. The three little pots are ground up chalk pastels. They’re excellent for shading and coloring polymer clay and other things; I use a paintbrush to apply them.
5. In the back we have a razor saw – a godsend when you’re working with craft wood! An X-Acto knife can only do so much, but this wee saw, which came with a very useful miter box, is a great and inexpensive tool to have and it comes apart for easy storage. Mine finally needs a new blade but it lasted over a year.
6. I also use a lot of nail files for sanding. I do use sandpaper for larger things but a two-sided nail file is so much easier to work with and travel with.
7. Lastly we have strong double-sided tape, which I use in all my artsy-craftsy projects. There are a lot of brands out there and as far as I can tell they’re all exactly the same product. I don’t like anything smaller than 1/4″ in width because it’s very hard to keep on the roll, but sizes up to over an inch are available. 1/4″ and 1/2″ are my faves. It tears easily and sticks firmly.

I added some of the tools I use for paper crafting and bullet journaling (including my BoS), but many come in handy for miniatures as well.

1. Left to right we have a white rubber eraser, in my opinion the best kind – I also love the ones in a plastic holder that click up. You can get refills for those, yay! But the block one shown here is great for larger areas.
2. My pen of choice for everything is the Pilot Precise V-5. Unfortunately they’re not water resistant so they’re not all that great for using with wet media or markers, so I adopted the Uni Pin for those purposes. I love a smooth inked 0.5 pen.
3. The Kuru-Toga mechanical pencil delights me – because of how the lead rotates it almost never breaks. Again, I prefer 0.5 width.
4. The Uni Ball Signo gel pen in white is very popular among paper artists and crafters – it’s so hard to find a white pen that’s opaque enough. The popular variety is the broad nib, but I prefer these “Angelic” versions that are a finer nib on Jet Pens (a very dangerous website for writing implement enthusiasts).
5. Ahhhh, Zebra Mildliners. They work as traditional highlighters in non-screaming colors, but they tend to be used all over bullet journals for adding gentle color. I particularly enjoy the neutral color set, but I have all of them. I even use the brown one when doing miniatures – it stands in for wood stain very well in small areas.
6. This particular Scotch glue stick is in my opinion the best for gluing paper to paper. It hangs on a lot more firmly than regular glue sticks.
7. I almost forgot to include my tweezers! Very important for making miniatures! I think these are also made for nail art, but their tiny tiny points are exactly what I need for minis. The bent neck is especially helpful for those hard to reach places.
8. For color both in art and craft I use my Faber-Castell Polychromos pencils. They don’t use animal-based colors in their lead, and because the lead is oil-based they don’t break constantly like, say, Prismacolors. I do however use a Prismacolor blending pencil since Polychromos doesn’t have one of its own. I’ve been meaning to try gamsol for blending but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.
9. A bone folder (not made of bone, of course, I think this one is just hard plastic) is handy for everything, but it’s even useful in miniatures for folding tiny paper boxes and book pages.
10. Last of all is a completely free tool! If you use washi tape for anything at all, don’t bother with expensive cutters, just get yourself a gift card. It tears the tape perfectly and is also good for smoothing it down. There are all sorts of cutters out there, but I have yet to want anything more pricey than my old Target Pharmacy card. I cut it in half so it would fit better into my travel kit.

Ooof. Here we go. Good thing compound sentences are my jam.

I am a Witch and a UU, and I believe both in magic and science, as well as in a deity that evolves, loves, and sorrows with their children; who is neither omnipotent nor omniscient but eternally present and benevolent; and that deity manifests itself to me as a more-or-less dyad Goddess of forest and moonlight, life and death, and above all things love.

Day 20: Five things I love about life right now.

1. Vanilla iced lattes with oat milk are readily available.
2. When I’m at home I can have a cat to pet pretty much whenever I need one.
3. When I have good days I’ve learned how to appreciate them more and not sink as low when I remember they won’t last long. I’ve spent decades learning to think of my mind as the sky and my mood as the weather – always changing, never one way for long. Even a torturous summer or the depth of winter will eventually give way. I’m not always successful but I’ve gotten SO much better at navigating the forecast.
4. My most recent hobby – making miniatures – is really fun and I’m still enjoying it immensely. My big project is just about done but there are always plenty more little ones to try!
5. In spite of everything seeming to get worse about the world, I still see little acts of kindness and beauty, little works of art, little moments of grace all over the place. Sometimes the hope of those little things is all I’ve got where humanity is concerned, but as long as you have hope for the world, there’s hope for the world.

Day 21: The best thing about Summer

The end of it.

Oh and also snow cones.

Day 22: It’s embarrassing but true…

I haven’t read a single book this summer. In fact I’ve only read two or three this whole year. Isn’t that awful? Normally, I at least read nonfiction – I love learning about new things and history and archaeology and all sorts of philosophical and metaphysical topics. The last one I remember reading was a book on process theology by Carol Christ, which I think I mentioned a couple of months ago. Months!

Also a bit embarrassing: I hardly ever read fiction. I’m not sure why, although it might have similar causes to the fact that I almost never want to start a new TV series. Both require a massive emotional investment, or at least they do the way I enjoy things. And I almost never read urban fantasy because it starts leaking into my own work; I’d rather be inspired for my novels by Marvel movies or mythology and have to figure out how to twist those ideas into the kind of fiction I write. (Also I am incredibly insecure and often reading novels makes me despair for my own talent, which stops me from writing.) I can’t actually remember the last novel I read.

So embarrassing.